An Infinitely Blessed Life

Yes, that is what my life is; and today I married that notion, I committed to believing because my life, even through the struggles, is a living example of the universes way of listening and responding.
I got a tattoo that I feel like I was guided right to by my angels and the energies in my life. I have been wanting more tattoos for awhile now and have had a hard timing figuring out what I wanted and where I wanted it placed, so I have put a lot of thought into what I wanted to commit to for the rest of my life; I take that idea very seriously, so I meditated last night about it, and then I began perusing the internet for the images that I could use to create what I needed.
I printed pages out, cut out the pictures that spoke to me, and then began thinking about the story I wanted to tell with the ink work I am about to have painted symbolically on my skin. For me, the purpose of a tattoo is to tell a story with it, to symbolize something that moved me so powerfully in my life that I want it permanently painted on me.

I was humbled again last night by the pure love and gratitude of a child; I woke up today knowing exactly which design to go with and where I wanted it to be put as a constant reminder of how blessed my life is infinitely. :)

 And here is the final artwork;

 

Blessings Disguised as Trials and Tribulations

Who would have thought that one week ago when I became so ill with this respiratory crap, I would look upon it as a blessing? A what? Yes, I said that, A BLESSING.
Let me explain; I was experiencing a burn-out in ways that I wasn't even directly aware of right away, work burn out, life burn out, all of it; I was drowning in emotions that I felt like I had no control over and knew not where the hell they were even emanating from. I did a good job of smiling in public, making small talk with friends, and carrying on as usual to the everyday world; inside however was a whole other universe whirling; one of stress, fatigue, loneliness and overall questioning. I was questioning everything! Why am I here? Why is everything so damn hard, while others just seem to skate through life unscathed? I had family and friends going through horrible things to which I could do nothing but sit by and helplessly watch and silently pray, but then the light at the end of the tunnel showed itself to me and I understood more.

I was forced off of work, forced to be still, and forced to allow my body to physically just stop and rest; I truly had no choice because in the moments that I thought I was stronger than some damn sickness my body said "screw you, we got you on this one, sit down!" and sit down I did. 

I dove head first into my second weeks of classes and found myself flipping page after page consumed in such a good way by the information in front of me. I've never been big on history, (which I know is not cool, because a lot of it is really some good information), but I was understanding so much more about human behaviors and the processes by which we operate that I couldn't help but just keep going; and going...It brought to light so many factors in my own life in regards to my job, the people I work with and for, and to the world around me and my place in it. I'm not "normal" (what the hell is normal anyway, and who defines what is normal?) and I am SO okay with that. I don't deal with life on a surface level, I feel it inside. It's funny as I think about the people along the way who have had no real understanding and have labeled me as "too emotional", "too intense"; Oh yes, trust me, I am both emotional and intense, but who are you to say it's TOO much? Has the thought ever occurred to those people that perhaps they are "too" disconnected from themselves, from their spirit, from the universe as a whole? Probably not, or else they wouldn't be casting such shallow judgments on others.

I'm recovering well and am back to work today, and I am actually looking forward to stepping back into my role as an advocate for the women in our house, because I have a very renewed sense of myself and my purpose. I know why I'm here, I know who I am and I know that what I am doing is very real, not only to me, but to those I encounter. I am just one small drop in a vast ocean of possibility, yes, but I have the ability and the responsibility to create ripples that will turn into mighty waves.

When the Bough Breaks

When the Bough Breaks:

 

Life changes without our permission and most times without any notice;
It just transforms into something else in the blink of an eye.

They say everything happens for a reason, but honestly, I am still

pondering some of the moves and working to just trust that they are and have, happened for reasons that just have not become clear to me yet.
How does something that feels so completely right in a moment, turn into something that you feel you need to escape in the next? How do friendships that have been built on trust and honesty dissolve into nothingness because of that same trust and honesty?

Why do children die? Why do horrible things happen to good people? Why do heartless people get to keep existing and inflicting pain on the world?

Do you have the answers, because I sure don’t.
What I do know is that no matter what happens and how badly we want to stop moving, breathing, and managing; we cannot stop, we have to keep moving, even if it’s just one small step, one short breath or one simple heartbeat. The universe continues to flow around us, birds still sing even on the mornings that we wake up with broken hearts and puffy eyes from all the crying we did the night before. The boss still expects you to be on time for work, and dinner still needs to be cooked. Life goes on; whether you’re participating or not.

As we journey through Life, we lose lovers, friends, and pets and so much more; so much more like pride and arrogance, selfishness and greed; or at least that is the hope. Time is supposed to bring with it wisdom and humility. Maybe we lose things and people we are attached to so that we can learn that nothing is permanent here, nothing and no one is forever, but merely experiences that we navigate through to learn the things we need to learn?

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?  What if it just makes us colder? What if it makes us hateful for what someone else has that we don’t? What separates that person, from a person who just accepts each life altering moment and pushes forward?  My thought?  FAITH.

Faith is not strengthened in moments that we already know what’s coming, Faith is conceived in those moments when the staircase is dark and we can only see the step we are on. We move slowly up the stairs, not knowing what awaits us on the next one, but we step anyway.

When we stop expecting that Life will always play fair, we begin to get somewhere; we accept, through tears and heavy hearts that friends grow apart, lovers fall out of love, and people die. We don’t accept it because it makes a damn bit of sense, we accept it because we have come far enough to understand that now and then things just don’t make sense at first glance, and they do not always feel good, but we inhale, we exhale, and we have FAITH that the Universe has a plan and that in each challenge we face there is a gift to uncover to elevate us to the next level of our journey here.

STAY FAITHFUL- We are all in this together.

~Peace

 

 

The Word "Victim"

Webster defines a victim as:
: a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, or killed by someone else
: a person who is cheated or fooled by someone else
: someone or something that is harmed by an unpleasant event (such as an illness or accident)

The second definition is the one I am going to focus on as I write this; a person cheated or fooled by someone else....hmmmm...So, let me ask you, if the same person/people "fool or cheat" you more than once, are you still a victim, or are you just in denial and unwilling to change? I see real victims everyday, I spend my life advocating for victims, have for as long as I can remember in one capacity or another, and I don't know that I will ever stop being frustrated by people who have the clear knowledge of what is going on, but are unmoving and unwilling to change anything. These same people will blow up and complain and become bitter people, but still, are not receptive to change, and will continue to wallow in their own self made misery.
I encounter women who stay with abusers because they are afraid that they will fail financially, women who cannot be alone so being with someone who is the source of so much upheaval and chaos is better than having to face life as a single person, and having to start over. How many times have you heard someone say, "but I don't want to have to start over and get to know someone all over again." Really? So, being constantly disrespected and let down and hurt is sooo much better than having to be brave and step out on FAITH and take a chance that there just may be more out there than what is right in front of you? I truly feel bad for people who are stuck in that mentality. No one wants to get hurt, or be let down, or face the disappointment in the dating world that maybe, yet again, this one isn't the one either, no one enjoys that, I can promise you! But what about the realization that those very same people who don't want to take the risks, are fooling themselves by not being aware of the fact that each day they stay stuck in unhealthy patterns and relationships, they let themselves down, they betray their own heart; is that more acceptable? No, it isn't.

The ugly truth about all of this, is that real victims are the children of people who are caught in this web of destruction and turmoil, and there isn't anything they can do about it. These kids are the true VICTIMS in life, because they are being drug along through the chaos and the violence and the unstable environments, against their will, and with no power to change it. Absorb that for a moment...
I was in a 17 year relationship/marriage which became toxic and dysfunctional, and I was unhappy and drowning emotionally. I did all I could for years to put on a good show for the outside world until I looked at my children and saw the hurt and the fear that it was causing them, and something in me clicked and slapped me in the face very hard. I didn't want to raise a girl who believed it was okay to lose yourself in a man and sacrifice yourself to the point of not even having your own identity, and I didn't want to raise a boy who felt that bullying and yelling and controling was the correct way to be a man. I knew that the only person who was going to be able to change all of that was me. I was scared beyond anything words could convey; I was panicked at the thought of leaving the financial security that we had created as a couple; but betraying my children, who did not ask to be in this world,and were gifted to me, was not a concept that I would even entertain, no matter what it took for me to protect them. I have wonderful family, and steadfast friends, but every single one of them knows that if it came down to them or my children, they have never and would never, have a chance. Our children do not ask to come here, we make the choice to bring them here and with that, we take on a responsability to love and protect them from harm in the world. What happens to those kids when the people/person who they count on for protection puts their well being aside and leaves them vulnerable and exposed? Statistically we know that many of them grow up addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, they take on the role of abusers or victims in their adult lives with friends and family and eventually intimate relationships; they carry on the chaos and the turmoil and the cycle continues.
I am an advocate for children above and beyond anyone, because I despise injustice, and I have no respect for those who have children and don't protect them or put them first. Being a single parent is not for the weak, as any single parent will attest to; but at the end of the day it doesn't matter that it's hard and sometimes gut wrenching, what matters is whether or not you honor that title of Mom or Dad and do what's right by your children.

An excerpt from book 3!

 -this is a small excerpt from my third book called "It's Raining Men and my Umbrella is Electrically Charged; and a hundred other ironies of living"

 

Thoughts?

What is it that feels pain and hurt when we lose someone, or when life goes left when all you wanted was right? What tells our chest to ache as we let go of ideas and fantasies of whom and what we thought life would be? Is it our ego, or is that our soul mourning? I tend to think it’s our EGO, because the Soul knows that everything is temporary here, it’s all just moments in this one time and space, and it has limits; the ego limits us.

A friend and I talk about this often; we refer to it as “sleeping” in life. Its death while you’re alive, isn’t it? It’s sad how much chaos and pain we cause ourselves when we operate from our ego.

It’s in those moments when we release ourselves from our ego and surrender to our Soul that we begin to awaken. We begin to understand this whole process of living better; we find ourselves opening up to different ideas and being thirsty for knowledge because we come to know that knowledge equals power.

As is par for this game of Chess that we call life, certain moves, experiences, people and places will create a great shift in our lives, offering something that is new and needed in that very moment, changing us, forcing one of two things to happen, we grow or we get stuck. I’ve been blessed by experiences and people that forever altered me, in ways that are almost too amazing for words, but something in me is compelled to try.

I wake up each morning, and as I stand to brush my teeth or wash my hands at the bathroom sink, I read a prayer that I have typed and taped to my mirror, and something that a stranger wrote in a writing group a great many years ago, and I always walk away feeling renewed in some sense, like maybe I stand a little taller and hold my head a bit higher than I did when I first went into the bathroom. I make the time to make the connection to my Divine Source, not just in that moment in the mirror, but often throughout my day.

Beyonce’, in an interview once said, “God is real. God is in me, God is in all of us” Truer words have not been spoken. We are all born with a God Center, whatever you refer to that Energy as is not nearly as important as the underlying message of love, light and support that we feel when we awaken to that Divine Connection within us. Along with that awareness comes a journey into FAITH- that unseen force that teaches us about trust and patience; and from there the world opens up to us in so many ways.

I am a woman who lives very instinctually, I always have to some degree, I’m just noticing that it is more and more in tune as I move from day to day and through different experiences in my life. I’ve made choices and decisions based upon my “gut feeling” more times than not, and I know, have scared my mother half to death at times; but in those moments that I have listened and moved when prompted, I never regret, but I always come away altered and wiser. I’ve come to think of those instinctual feelings as communication between my Self and the Higher Energies that I am connected to; my angels, spirit guides and God and Goddess. If I listen, they are always offering me guidance, but as life does now and then, things get loud and Ego steps in and tries to run the show and in those moments I stumble, sometimes I trip and fall all the way to my knees and right then I pause;  I surrender and I listen.

I say all of that, to say this; nothing that we experience is an accident, there is no such thing as coincidence. If I tell my Self everyday that today will be a horrible day, the universe will set in motion all of the horrible things it can, just to prove me right; so that I can say with justified agony, “See! I was right, this was a horrible day!” On the other hand, if I tell my Self that today will be a great day, and that no matter what is thrown at me along the way I will prevail because I am Divinely guided and always protected, I will end the day with a smile and a sense of content gratitude, because maybe today wasn’t a perfect day, but it was a day worthy of being thankful for regardless. We create and manifest that which we desire, we draw to us that which we give our energy and focus to; The Law of Attraction. It’s as real as the nose on your face, I promise you. My life has been a constant testament to this premise.

 

Giving Thanks...

It's not quite Thanksgiving Day yet, and I have already been blessed to have two dinners. My very non-traditional family dinner, where we just decide when WE want to make it a holiday meal and we just do it.(Let me add that I love that about my family!)
And then tonight at my job we cooked for our residents who have no family or no other places to be and meals to share with loved ones or friends. It was such a joy to share in that with those ladies and their children and I felt honored to be part of it all.
Domestic violence is so much larger than we understand, hell so much more than I even comprehended; and I sat with those families tonight I was reminded of how blessed and bountiful my life is, even without all of the things I think are so important.
I am not faced with sleeping on the streets, or having to walk in the cold to get where I need to be, because I have been blessed to have a roof of my own over my head and a car to drive, and clothes on my back to keep me warm. My children are safe and sound and cared for in their lives, my friends and the rest of my family are sheltered and surrounded by love; truly blessed  we all are.

Life is hard as hell and I wouldn't dare sit here and try to convince anyone of anything else; but in the midst of the struggles, we find joys as well; even in the sheer simplicity of a hug or an ear to listen we are comforted.
I personally have so many reasons to feel thankful tonight...and it is my wish for all of us that we continually find reasons to be thankful each day, because every day offers us something to be grateful for if we just recognize it.

Happy Thanksgiving One & All- May your bellies be full and laughter and love be plentiful among you.
Be blessed and be a blessing as you go....
:)

The Gift of Social Media-

The Gift of Social Media-

 

As I sat skimming through posts on facebook this morning, peeking into the pieces of life that my friends and family share, I was struck by a post. I will say that this person has been an inspiration to me since I met him, and as I got to know his heart, I knew that one day a woman would be one of the luckiest in the world to be at his side. I’ve never met her, although one day I know that I will, but even just the small glimpses of life that they share online, tells me that she is a very special lady, and that not only is she a lucky woman, but he is a very blessed man to have her and he makes no secret of his love and devotion to her, their families and the life they are building together. This wouldn’t be the first time this man has inspired me to write, and it most likely will not be the last, because his never ending enthusiasm for life and forward progress is awe inspiring to any and all he crosses paths with in life, and even through social media he continues to strive in what he calls; his Journey Above Poverty. I feel blessed to call him my friend.

Then a picture popped up of a father and son; another person who has been part of my life’s story and the expression of love and happiness on both their faces, made my heart overflow with love and joy for them. There is no love like the love we get and receive from our children, and the love that we give them is some of the purest love I have ever known personally.

As much as technology aggravates me at times, and escapes my simple understanding, I have come to appreciate my morning coffee and facebook because even across miles and in the midst of our busy lives, there is still this magical connection to those who matter to us.

It makes me happy to see people that I have known for years and spent my childhood with raising beautiful families and living in happy marriages, fulfilling dreams and enjoying and loving life and each other, I enjoy the new friendships that have been started and are being built day by day. I appreciate the support that we give back and forth during good times and bad; the strength and sense of empowerment that we give to one another through our posts and just simply the very fact that I can be part of each of your lives, even if it’s not in person as much as we’d like.

Please know that I see you, I’m always praying for you, for all of us, and that I thank you all for the inspiration, support and friendship that is showered upon me daily by some amazing human beings in my life!

Have a very blessed day, and be a blessing as you go!

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

Two Sides

TWO SIDES

 

I felt you pushing on the door

But all I could do was stand on the other side

refusing to allow it to open all the way;

It was a moment of choices and I had to choose the right one.

Almost like a predator you prey upon my kindness

And take me for granted, always knowing when to strike

as though you smell the vulnerability on me.

I don’t believe in accidents, so I know that I am here again

For a reason; once again facing test day.

I have two choices now as I stand

on the other side of this door with you;

I can take the road that is predictable, even though

It won’t be good for me, or maybe even for you, it will

At least be familiar; or I can quietly just walk away

And leave you standing there alone to face your own hellish

demons without being able to use me as a buffer.

 

 One requires courage and strength from me

While the other just seems so easy; but then

The realization strikes with brute force and tells me

That to concede once more will bring me no peace,

Only more let down and disappointment,

because at the end of the day this really isn’t about you at all-

It is about Me and what I will allow in my life.

 In a moment, I inhaled and let it slowly drift out,

Breathing out doubt and self defeating thoughts;

And then quietly I moved away from the door

and left you alone on the other side of it.

You can push it open, I just won’t be there waiting

on the other side  this time.

I’m choosing me over you; I’m choosing forward progress over chaos.

I choose to love myself enough to make the right choice

Because I know that any other option will

Keep me grounded in one spot and I cannot

Move forward with my feet stuck in quicksand.

 

07/2013

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

What You Think You Know- conclusion

 

With every woman and young girl who has crossed my path over the past 10 years, I am reminded of how important it is to nurture each other, to support one another and to empower one another. I’m not talking about women’s liberation here, I am talking about tending to our hearts, and tending to our souls and helping each other heal through life’s struggles and pains, instead of being petty and insecure and living behind walls of fear and resentment and jealousy. All of that serves no purpose in reaching higher ground; it will keep one stuck in quicksand.

I have watched a 17 year relationship crumble. I have been cheated on and lied to. I have been raped and sexually abused. I have been emotionally abused. I have been verbally abused. I have allowed myself to be used by people who weren’t worth the salt in my tears; I have allowed people to take up space and time in my precious life that didn’t have any intention of caring about anything other than themselves and what they could get.

I have been you; and somebody else, a wiser more seasoned woman is looking at me and saying the same thing.

I post what I post because I am surrounded by beautiful women who don’t know how beautiful and worthy they are, so they remain in relationships that do not serve them well, or they allow themselves to be the side chic or just one of many on his list of “to-do’s”—I post them because I have been you, and all it takes is for the right moment when things click to realize your worth, and to realize all of the ways you are blocking your own progress, and stagnating your own soul. Sometimes it takes another woman to stand in your presence and be a mirror so that you can see; who you are and what you are doing now, but more- who you can be, who you are meant to be, with some sunlight and water.

It’s important to me to love women, to offer nurturing where I can, and allow them to nurture me. I’m not blaming men, I’m merely standing up to say that unless and until we as women, learn how to love and support one another, empower one another without fear or agenda, we will continue to feel victimized by those who are careless with our hearts, and undeserving of our time. I post what I post to heal us; all of us.

09/©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

HAPPY

I sat here this morning feeling so damn content; and then I asked myself,

“Self? Why are you so happy today?”

(Yes, I do talk to my Self often…stop laughing!)

 

Well, then Self said, “Why shouldn’t I be happy? I woke up this morning from a restful nights sleep, which means I received a gift first thing this morning, and it isn’t a holiday or my birthday, it is just another day that the creator has given me to step up and give it one more go.” 

I thought about that for a second, but then I said,
“but we’re broke, and the car isn’t running right, and we’re alone, and , and, an….”

 Self smiled at me and gently put a finger to my lips to hush me; “We aren’t broke, we have everything we need today, food, shelter, a job that we love, friends who love us genuinely, family that we treasure, our health and our smile; everything else is just extra’s that will come in the perfect time; in the time that is right when we need it, not just because we want it. Don’t get stuck on those things that this material world convinces us are necessary;  see beyond your eyes and hear beyond your ears so that you may recognize the wealth that you have within you and around you.”

 

I sat quietly absorbing all of that and realized how right my Self was. I have a million reasons to feel this way and I am going to bask in it. J

I am doing something I love, and I am affecting others with my compassionate heart and my smile; and I see it everyday in the way I am greeted when I walk into the house at work, I feel it when I receive those random texts from my kids that say “I LOVE YOU”, I know it beyond the shadow of a doubt when those real friends in my life take time to let me know they care, and are in my corner in this world. I know it when I feel the very real energy of those who are gone from this physical world, but never leave me and always let me know just when I need it. I know true happiness when those who I have counted on and trusted in have let me down and betrayed my kind heart, because I still pray for their happiness and well being everyday, and I pray for the part of them that so easily hurts other with their callousness and self centered ways to be healed, because I refuse to give in to hate and animosity; neither of those serve me well.
As I listen to my daughter talk about her time at the fire department, her elation overflows and to hear her say “I am so happy when I am there, I know that’s where I am meant to be” My heart swells with pride because I want nothing more than for my children to know contentment and peace in this chaotic world, but also because it is a beautiful thing that she has chosen to go out into this world and be a part of making other people better; little does she know that just her presence is healing in and of itself and anyone blessed enough to be around her is already better because of it.

The cat box needs changing, and the laundry needs finishing among other random things on my list of to-do’s, but John Mayer is singing and the sun is shining, and I AM LOVE. I AM LOVED. And somewhere the water is calling me to come and sit peacefully with it today, so seek I shall for that quiet place with my Self and the water, and rejoice in all of the gifts that I have and the beauty that I feel within. It is my wish today that I share this feeling directly and indirectly with every person I cross paths with and every experience I find myself in today.

Love, Light and Peace to all of you, and to me and my Self JJJ

 

 

 

The Morning After

July 14,2013

 

I woke up this morning and sat down to write with tears in my eyes; how can life be so fickle? I spent the day with my son and daughter in law, and a terrific friend and came home riding the high from my day; to hear a verdict of not guilty in the Zimmerman/Martin case. My heart sunk, the outrage took over and I felt myself feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Why? Because I’m white, and for a moment I believed that this was about color, but this morning, I realize it’s far deeper than that; it’s about the horrific flaws in this system of “justice” that we have in this country. It’s not because he was a young black man, because if that were the case, why did FLA let Casey Anthony go after the world knew damn well she killed her children; they were all white.  White parents, Mexican parents, native parents, NO ONE is excluded in this ugliness of the world, we all lose! And I know in my heart that across the U.S people of all colors were supporting this young man and his family, we didn’t see color, we saw the loss of an innocent life, period. I read things this morning about how this is the white folks getting back at the blacks for the O.J case. I scratch my head and wonder how feeding this line of thinking is going to get us anywhere good?  I responded to an online forum and was told that because I was white I didn’t understand and never would. Really!?

 

Let me clarify something; I am a MOTHER, that trumps your damn skin color bullshit, I’m tired of all this bitching about race, stand up and DO something about all of the injustices you feel instead of pointing fingers I know this world is biased in some ways, but we are not ever going to invoke change by sitting on our hands and letting it victimize us, stand up and be heard! DO something to bring about positive change with all of that emotional energy! Russell Simmons said that last night, “we must remain peaceful. No matter what, remain peaceful. If you have anger this evening, put that energy into challenging these horrible laws that allow overly-anxious neighborhood watchmen to carry guns and shoot innocent people.”

 

A man and a woman lost a son, it doesn’t take being the same race for anyone to understand that, it takes a heart, and human compassion; I had just spent the day with my son, don’t think I didn’t sit here last night imagining the horror of him being gone. We cannot let this become more unrest amongst us, we cannot let the ugliness of the world win, we have to rise up and come together and instead of people like Treyvon, MLK & so many others dying in vain, we need to bring about unity and change!!!

 

Stop fighting one another, stop feeding it, and stop being victimized by any of it, RISE UP AND UNITE in positive ways to change the world we live in! I don’t have the answers or the blueprint, but I look around and I listen, and I see and hear all of the ways we disrespect each other; men/women against one another, black women against white women, and the list goes on and on, its not stopping any of it, it is perpetuating it! Why don’t we recognize that?  We cannot stop hatred with more hatred, we cannot stop racism with more racial tension, we cannot teach non-violence when we are violent…Maybe this is a test to see how far we have come as a people; maybe it has less to do with the dysfunctional justice system and more to do with a Higher Power testing us to see if we will learn and this time come together in peace and for peace, or whether we will let this divide us even more than we already have. We can blame whoever we want day to day for being treated less than by others, but each and every moment of every day that we are given we wake up with the ability to freely choose how we feel and WHO WE WILL BE that day. You can choose to be angry because the world is unfair to you, you can blame it on your skin color, you can blame it on your weight, but ultimately, we all have a choice to either stand for something good, or fall for something less. I choose to love and to stand for my fellow people, no matter their color, creed, etc…I CHOOSE to think good thoughts even in the midst of pain and sorrow, because I know in my heart that good always prevails over evil, in some way or another I know that it does.

 

 

George Zimmerman is not a free man today; he was dismissed of charges yes, but for the rest of his life he will look over his shoulder and not feel safe, he will fear for his family’s safety, he will never gain back the life that he knew. He didn’t really win; it’s more a matter of where we imprisoned him because he is behind bars no matter how you want to see it.

 

My heart hurts this morning, we are a society and a government full of ills, and we just keep band aiding the issues instead of actually getting in there and building something better, but I’m going to send one more prayer up for all of us right now, I’m going to pray for guidance and for love and patience and compassion because we all need it, and then I’m going to dust myself off and go out into the world be the positive change I want to see; one person, one step at a time, because it’s better than doing nothing but crying in outrage w/no movement forward.

 

R.I P Treyvon, you are truly in such a better place than this mess we are left with here…

Everyone needs to bow their heads and pray to whatever God you pray to, and send something positive out for this family, for this world, for yourself and for me; turn this into positive energy and watch change begin.

 

~Peace, Love & Light

 

 

 

Book 2!!!

And yet another dream comes to beautiful fruition!!! Here it is, a collaboration with one of my favorite writers, my Aunt Becky Corinne Strukamp!! We have talked about this moment for years, today we see it bloom! It is a mixture of y poetry/short story, and a great contribution from my bestie R.Jones, and beautiful heartfelt poetry by Becky. GOD IS SO GOOD and I AM TRULY BLESSED!

https://www.createspace.com/4355919?ref=1147694&utm_id=6026

Annnnd HERE IT IS!!!!

www.createspace.com/4322830 , or Kindle, Or AMAZON.COM

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

Will also be available on AMAZON.COM in 3-5 days, and is on Kindle as well!

Wipe Your Eyes

 

Wipe Your Eyes

 

I stumbled upon the song accidentally as is par for the course while I am riding through my musical therapy sessions; I had grown a bit intrigued by Adam Levine from watching him on The Voice, and I have always liked most of Maroon 5’s music, but the new curiosity just led me to exploring more of it. I’ve listened to this song about 15 times in the past 12 hours; I am listening to it back to back as I am typing this, it’s funny how it went from one thing to another in meaning…all of a sudden, I realized that this was the conversation I needed to have with myself, these are the words I needed to hear, I don’t need anyone else to say them, if I just open up and allow the energy to flow to and from, I have all I need.

I’ve been feeling a lot, too much, spinning and clawing when I just need to get still and be quiet again.

 

It’s time to unplug and re-charge.

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viOEL7WAqZM&feature=share&list=LLJIrsxaeBdSGPxf_BBS0ZTQ

 

I'm afraid that I gotta what but I gotta do
But if I let you go, where you gonna go?
We gotta make it change, time to turn the page
Something isn't right, I don't wanna fight you
We've been through couple times, you know it gets worse
We can turn this around, please let me be first
And as I feel your tears spilling on my shirt
Something isn't right I don't wanna fight you

[Chorus]
Hey you, come over and let me embrace you
I know that i'm causing you pain too but
Remember if you need to cry
I'm here to wipe your eyes

Tonight before you fall asleep
I'll run my thumb across your cheek
Cry 'cause i'm here to wipe your eyes
I know I made you feel this way
You gotta breathe, we'll be okay
Cry 'cause i'm here to wipe your eyes

Oh nah nah oh nah nah nah nah
'cause i'm here to wipe your eyes
Oh nah nah oh nah nah nah nah

[Adam Levine]
When did we cross the line
How could we could forget
Why do we let the pressure get into our heads
Your broken heart requires all of my attention
'cause something isn't right I don't wanna fight you

[Chorus]
Hey you, come over and let me embrace you
I know that i'm causing you but pain too
Remember if you need to cry
I'm here to wipe your eyes

Tonight before you fall asleep
I run my thumb across your cheek
Cry 'cause i'm here to wipe your eyes
I know I made you feel this pain
You gotta breathe, we'll be okay
Cry 'cause i'm here to wipe your eyes

Please don't lose your faith;
Don't worry 'cuz I'm here to keep you safe
I promise if you let me see your face
That I won't let you down, I won't let you down

I'm here to wipe your eyes
Tonight before you fall asleep,
I'll run my thumb across your cheek
Cry, 'cause I'm here to wipe your eyes
I know I made you feel this way
You gotta breathe, we'll be okay
Cry, 'cause I'm here to wipe your eyes

Woman KNOW Thyself-Poem by Charlie Chaplin

Woman KNOW Thyself

As I Began to Love Myself – Self Love Poem by Charlie Chaplin

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

... As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody. As I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this
person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”!See More

 

Tanning Bed Illuminations: The Reasons Why

 

When things fall apart, they come together……..

 

Have you ever sat back and wondered how people have just gone from your life when at one time they were the most important ones in it?

I used to; but then I realized over time that all people aren’t meant to be forever people; no matter how much good they may do at one time or another, it won’t guarantee that they stay; it’s just their season.

I’ve met people who seem so willing to just let love fade, let friendships die, and they seem so care free as they let go and shut doors. I didn’t understand that for awhile, but again, life is great for teaching us things if we just keep our eyes and ears open, yes, but even more? We keep our sight focused on awareness. Sight is more than our eyes see, and hearing is more than our ears do. Our very soul will see and hear all that’s important if we just stay awake in our own lives.

I have become one of those people, a person who will let things just fade out naturally without trying to revive it, or reclaim it, I’m getting better at shutting doors that I used to struggle with terribly, not because my heart has gone cold, but because I am more aware than ever that if I don’t choose the company I keep carefully and spend my time doing the things that will move me forward in my life, I have no one else to find fault in when I am still stuck in this same rut 3 days, 4 months, or even years from now. It’s my job to get right in my life, it’s MY job to achieve my goals and make things better for myself, mine and my higher power. People will come and go as they need to, people who will teach you about yourself, people who will need teaching from you, but not all of them will find a permanent spot, some of them, hell maybe even most of them, will only briefly visit and then you or they, make a choice to keep moving.

 

That used to hurt me so much inside, and that’s not to say that sometimes it still doesn’t when a door closes, by my own choosing or someone else’s, but I’m learning each and every step of the way, to just accept that there is a force at work, something so much more powerful and knowing than I am, and I have to trust that whatever it is, whatever we are comfortable calling it, is so much wiser than we are about this journey we are traveling.

Certain things fall apart, so that other things can come together, because too often we linger on something or someone that no longer serves a purpose and we leave no room for the better opportunities to be presented. It’s all a matter of flowing WITH life, instead of trying to control and manipulate it the way we think it should go.

Today, my goal is to BE …to be happy, to be peaceful, to be love and to be light, to myself and all others who cross my path today. To be present in each moment I am in, and do my very best to reach for my highest potential no matter what I am doing or what my external circumstances may be. I wish for all of you the very same.

JUST BE.

 

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

"The Early bird..."

Gets the worm! Or in my case, hammers out pages of writing! Writer's block be gone!

I woke up this morning before the birds even did, and before I had a chance to even feel agitated about being awake so early on a day when I didn't have to be in to work til mid afternoon, I was up being productive and getting things done. I sat down at the computer with my coffee in hand to begin my morning routine of facebook reading and posting, but my mind was cranking out paragraphs and showing me pictures of him and a time passed; I took another sip and pulled up a blank page and began typing. I've always known that I would have to tell our story one day, it was too magical and spiritual not to, but each time I had tried to begin, I lost the feeling and got stuck on words, which would always lead to me walking away and leaving the story in the back recesses of my mind.

Today, however, everything was in sync and the words have flowed from me, the story of him and me unfolding and being re-lived, moment by precious moment...it's all a little bittersweet, really...but it will live on in my heart and spirit always, and he will always be one of my favorite stories to tell. :)

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

Be Blessed today, folks, & always...Be a Blessing as you go!

Tanning Bed Illuminations: The Sunny Side of Life

Tanning Bed Illuminations: The Sunny Side of Life

 

As I begin this, I am chuckling because they say a title is one of the most important elements of a piece, it’s what initially draws a reader in; in this case the title runs far deeper than it seems and only a few will “get it” , which is completely okay, the message will be clear to the rest nonetheless.

 

Sunny side up eggs have always been unappealing to me, they are half cooked and slimy, both of which I cannot handle when it comes to eggs, but I have to think that those eggs are aware that they are only partially cooked, that technically they have room to be cooked more without being too cooked. Okay, seriously, I’m sure those eggs don’t know shit about anything, they are eggs!  That was a metaphor for anyone who missed it. Are we on the same page now? J

 

We meet people along the way in life for reasons, nothing is an accident, each and every experience and person is an instrument or a learning tool if you will, in one form or another; oftentimes we are the vessels by which something is to be taught/learned and we don’t even know it. We should learn to look at even the challenging people and experiences as “good” or “valuable” because it’s from those moments and those folks, that we truly experience learning and growth; I mean, think about it, if everything were all roses and rainbows how would we elevate ourselves to a better vibration? We wouldn’t; think about it like this, some of the most beautiful rock formations were created out of constant lashing by water and sand and dirt and other rocks colliding over and over again until the surface becomes smooth and shaped into something amazing; so too are we shaped and molded by life.

 

I met him over a year ago, (and one day that will be a story in and of itself) although it seems like forever has been and gone sometimes because the value of meeting him and his presence in my life has been immeasurable and intense. I’ve met a lot of people over the course of my life, and some of them I barely remember, while others have been a lasting memory that never fades or quiets, and some are still here, still journeying through life with me and they are the people I call Friend(s). Regardless of where the roads lead, and believe me, it has not always led to pretty places; he will always be someone who has had a lasting impact on my spirit. The danger with those who have such an impact on us is that here and there we allow them too much power in our psyche, we listen to them harder than we listen to our own voice sometimes and run the risk of falling into holes of self doubt and spiritual turmoil, until and unless we grow so strong within our own spirit that we can hear without completely absorbing the opinions and ranting of another soul who is searching and incomplete just like we are; therein lies the key, realizing that everyone is on a journey of some kind; no one is perfect and flawless, even those who stand on soapboxes and proclaim to have some royal insight that no one else but GOD has. I have found that those who preach about EGO are the ones that seem to be the most afflicted with the dis-ease of the ego. How ironic. I don’t appreciate people who feel the need to manipulate others with lies and mental games, I don’t have respect for those who feel justified in toying with others feelings for the sake of their own ego’s, and people who will lie and distort the truth of who they are, do just that for the simple sake of feeding something lacking within themselves. It’s a beautiful moment when we awaken to that realization and take away the power of those folks who feel so justified in tearing us down when we threaten the foundation of bullshit that they stand on. People who need to force-feed others with how enlightened they are, are clearly not all that enlightened at all; ego needs to claim righteousness; the simple and pure enlightened soul moves quietly through life and others and touches and heals just by the silent art of being.

Oh, but I do thank you…I thank you for the beauty you shared with me as well as the ego you exposed; I learned a great deal from both.

 

 

Love & Light~

 

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved.