Blessings Disguised as Trials and Tribulations

Who would have thought that one week ago when I became so ill with this respiratory crap, I would look upon it as a blessing? A what? Yes, I said that, A BLESSING.
Let me explain; I was experiencing a burn-out in ways that I wasn't even directly aware of right away, work burn out, life burn out, all of it; I was drowning in emotions that I felt like I had no control over and knew not where the hell they were even emanating from. I did a good job of smiling in public, making small talk with friends, and carrying on as usual to the everyday world; inside however was a whole other universe whirling; one of stress, fatigue, loneliness and overall questioning. I was questioning everything! Why am I here? Why is everything so damn hard, while others just seem to skate through life unscathed? I had family and friends going through horrible things to which I could do nothing but sit by and helplessly watch and silently pray, but then the light at the end of the tunnel showed itself to me and I understood more.

I was forced off of work, forced to be still, and forced to allow my body to physically just stop and rest; I truly had no choice because in the moments that I thought I was stronger than some damn sickness my body said "screw you, we got you on this one, sit down!" and sit down I did. 

I dove head first into my second weeks of classes and found myself flipping page after page consumed in such a good way by the information in front of me. I've never been big on history, (which I know is not cool, because a lot of it is really some good information), but I was understanding so much more about human behaviors and the processes by which we operate that I couldn't help but just keep going; and going...It brought to light so many factors in my own life in regards to my job, the people I work with and for, and to the world around me and my place in it. I'm not "normal" (what the hell is normal anyway, and who defines what is normal?) and I am SO okay with that. I don't deal with life on a surface level, I feel it inside. It's funny as I think about the people along the way who have had no real understanding and have labeled me as "too emotional", "too intense"; Oh yes, trust me, I am both emotional and intense, but who are you to say it's TOO much? Has the thought ever occurred to those people that perhaps they are "too" disconnected from themselves, from their spirit, from the universe as a whole? Probably not, or else they wouldn't be casting such shallow judgments on others.

I'm recovering well and am back to work today, and I am actually looking forward to stepping back into my role as an advocate for the women in our house, because I have a very renewed sense of myself and my purpose. I know why I'm here, I know who I am and I know that what I am doing is very real, not only to me, but to those I encounter. I am just one small drop in a vast ocean of possibility, yes, but I have the ability and the responsibility to create ripples that will turn into mighty waves.

An excerpt from book 3!

 -this is a small excerpt from my third book called "It's Raining Men and my Umbrella is Electrically Charged; and a hundred other ironies of living"

 

Thoughts?

What is it that feels pain and hurt when we lose someone, or when life goes left when all you wanted was right? What tells our chest to ache as we let go of ideas and fantasies of whom and what we thought life would be? Is it our ego, or is that our soul mourning? I tend to think it’s our EGO, because the Soul knows that everything is temporary here, it’s all just moments in this one time and space, and it has limits; the ego limits us.

A friend and I talk about this often; we refer to it as “sleeping” in life. Its death while you’re alive, isn’t it? It’s sad how much chaos and pain we cause ourselves when we operate from our ego.

It’s in those moments when we release ourselves from our ego and surrender to our Soul that we begin to awaken. We begin to understand this whole process of living better; we find ourselves opening up to different ideas and being thirsty for knowledge because we come to know that knowledge equals power.

As is par for this game of Chess that we call life, certain moves, experiences, people and places will create a great shift in our lives, offering something that is new and needed in that very moment, changing us, forcing one of two things to happen, we grow or we get stuck. I’ve been blessed by experiences and people that forever altered me, in ways that are almost too amazing for words, but something in me is compelled to try.

I wake up each morning, and as I stand to brush my teeth or wash my hands at the bathroom sink, I read a prayer that I have typed and taped to my mirror, and something that a stranger wrote in a writing group a great many years ago, and I always walk away feeling renewed in some sense, like maybe I stand a little taller and hold my head a bit higher than I did when I first went into the bathroom. I make the time to make the connection to my Divine Source, not just in that moment in the mirror, but often throughout my day.

Beyonce’, in an interview once said, “God is real. God is in me, God is in all of us” Truer words have not been spoken. We are all born with a God Center, whatever you refer to that Energy as is not nearly as important as the underlying message of love, light and support that we feel when we awaken to that Divine Connection within us. Along with that awareness comes a journey into FAITH- that unseen force that teaches us about trust and patience; and from there the world opens up to us in so many ways.

I am a woman who lives very instinctually, I always have to some degree, I’m just noticing that it is more and more in tune as I move from day to day and through different experiences in my life. I’ve made choices and decisions based upon my “gut feeling” more times than not, and I know, have scared my mother half to death at times; but in those moments that I have listened and moved when prompted, I never regret, but I always come away altered and wiser. I’ve come to think of those instinctual feelings as communication between my Self and the Higher Energies that I am connected to; my angels, spirit guides and God and Goddess. If I listen, they are always offering me guidance, but as life does now and then, things get loud and Ego steps in and tries to run the show and in those moments I stumble, sometimes I trip and fall all the way to my knees and right then I pause;  I surrender and I listen.

I say all of that, to say this; nothing that we experience is an accident, there is no such thing as coincidence. If I tell my Self everyday that today will be a horrible day, the universe will set in motion all of the horrible things it can, just to prove me right; so that I can say with justified agony, “See! I was right, this was a horrible day!” On the other hand, if I tell my Self that today will be a great day, and that no matter what is thrown at me along the way I will prevail because I am Divinely guided and always protected, I will end the day with a smile and a sense of content gratitude, because maybe today wasn’t a perfect day, but it was a day worthy of being thankful for regardless. We create and manifest that which we desire, we draw to us that which we give our energy and focus to; The Law of Attraction. It’s as real as the nose on your face, I promise you. My life has been a constant testament to this premise.

 

Speaking of Freedom part 2

PART 2

I get really disappointed at times that my life is not full of “wealth” and “stuff”, and I won’t sit here and say that I don’t desire to be comfortable with money in my life because I think we all want that to some degree or another, but I will say that I have been lost.

In a moment of silence with my Self today, I realized how incredibly blind I have been to so much in my life without even realizing it.

I had to rehash old journals and poems to get the awakening; but it hit like a good hard slap on the ass and had me sitting here laughing and crying my way through the emotions.

I AM rich, rich as hell actually, ya wanna know why? Because all of the things that hurt me so much in the past, the things that kept me away from my Self are no longer issues at all! I don’t cower in public anymore and avoid smiling at a stranger for fear of being emotionally attacked by an insecure ego; I don’t hesitate to speak to the man next to me in line somewhere.

I don’t fake who I am for anyone anymore. I live a life true to who I am inside, at the core of my being. I am imperfect and flawed, yes, but I continue to reach and grow.

I don’t have the money that I would like to have, granted, but I have so much love and friendship in my life that I have faith that outer success is only a matter of timing, and we all know it doesn’t happen in our time; the higher energies of the universe map all that for us.

I love my Self more and more unconditionally each day that I am gifted with a new morning, although I still fall short I am closer all the time.

I stopped being a passenger in life and took the drivers seat and watched two of my own personal dreams come to fruition, I graduated from college a year ago with my BA, and I saw my first collection of writing go into print and be sold. On another level, I was witness to one of the happiest days of my son’s life, his wedding day, and my daughters’ graduation as an EMT. Pride wells up in me for all of us; we made one hell of a team, and individually we are all strong in our ways. Being a mother has made me rich all by itself because nothing can bring out the warrior in a woman’s spirit like being a mother. LOL.

It was in fighting for them that I learned how to fight for my Self. They made me want to be the best person I could be, so I set high standards for my Self.

 I AM wealthy. I LIVE AUTHENTICALLY; there is nothing richer than that.

  ©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

Some Valuable Links

I want to share these links, because I feel like this man has so much worthwhile to say and so much we all need to hear and share with one another...enjoy and let me know what you think!

http://youtu.be/7564Os1UJPk

http://trentshelton.com/