Blessings Disguised as Trials and Tribulations

Who would have thought that one week ago when I became so ill with this respiratory crap, I would look upon it as a blessing? A what? Yes, I said that, A BLESSING.
Let me explain; I was experiencing a burn-out in ways that I wasn't even directly aware of right away, work burn out, life burn out, all of it; I was drowning in emotions that I felt like I had no control over and knew not where the hell they were even emanating from. I did a good job of smiling in public, making small talk with friends, and carrying on as usual to the everyday world; inside however was a whole other universe whirling; one of stress, fatigue, loneliness and overall questioning. I was questioning everything! Why am I here? Why is everything so damn hard, while others just seem to skate through life unscathed? I had family and friends going through horrible things to which I could do nothing but sit by and helplessly watch and silently pray, but then the light at the end of the tunnel showed itself to me and I understood more.

I was forced off of work, forced to be still, and forced to allow my body to physically just stop and rest; I truly had no choice because in the moments that I thought I was stronger than some damn sickness my body said "screw you, we got you on this one, sit down!" and sit down I did. 

I dove head first into my second weeks of classes and found myself flipping page after page consumed in such a good way by the information in front of me. I've never been big on history, (which I know is not cool, because a lot of it is really some good information), but I was understanding so much more about human behaviors and the processes by which we operate that I couldn't help but just keep going; and going...It brought to light so many factors in my own life in regards to my job, the people I work with and for, and to the world around me and my place in it. I'm not "normal" (what the hell is normal anyway, and who defines what is normal?) and I am SO okay with that. I don't deal with life on a surface level, I feel it inside. It's funny as I think about the people along the way who have had no real understanding and have labeled me as "too emotional", "too intense"; Oh yes, trust me, I am both emotional and intense, but who are you to say it's TOO much? Has the thought ever occurred to those people that perhaps they are "too" disconnected from themselves, from their spirit, from the universe as a whole? Probably not, or else they wouldn't be casting such shallow judgments on others.

I'm recovering well and am back to work today, and I am actually looking forward to stepping back into my role as an advocate for the women in our house, because I have a very renewed sense of myself and my purpose. I know why I'm here, I know who I am and I know that what I am doing is very real, not only to me, but to those I encounter. I am just one small drop in a vast ocean of possibility, yes, but I have the ability and the responsibility to create ripples that will turn into mighty waves.

Giving Thanks...

It's not quite Thanksgiving Day yet, and I have already been blessed to have two dinners. My very non-traditional family dinner, where we just decide when WE want to make it a holiday meal and we just do it.(Let me add that I love that about my family!)
And then tonight at my job we cooked for our residents who have no family or no other places to be and meals to share with loved ones or friends. It was such a joy to share in that with those ladies and their children and I felt honored to be part of it all.
Domestic violence is so much larger than we understand, hell so much more than I even comprehended; and I sat with those families tonight I was reminded of how blessed and bountiful my life is, even without all of the things I think are so important.
I am not faced with sleeping on the streets, or having to walk in the cold to get where I need to be, because I have been blessed to have a roof of my own over my head and a car to drive, and clothes on my back to keep me warm. My children are safe and sound and cared for in their lives, my friends and the rest of my family are sheltered and surrounded by love; truly blessed  we all are.

Life is hard as hell and I wouldn't dare sit here and try to convince anyone of anything else; but in the midst of the struggles, we find joys as well; even in the sheer simplicity of a hug or an ear to listen we are comforted.
I personally have so many reasons to feel thankful tonight...and it is my wish for all of us that we continually find reasons to be thankful each day, because every day offers us something to be grateful for if we just recognize it.

Happy Thanksgiving One & All- May your bellies be full and laughter and love be plentiful among you.
Be blessed and be a blessing as you go....
:)

The Gift of Social Media-

The Gift of Social Media-

 

As I sat skimming through posts on facebook this morning, peeking into the pieces of life that my friends and family share, I was struck by a post. I will say that this person has been an inspiration to me since I met him, and as I got to know his heart, I knew that one day a woman would be one of the luckiest in the world to be at his side. I’ve never met her, although one day I know that I will, but even just the small glimpses of life that they share online, tells me that she is a very special lady, and that not only is she a lucky woman, but he is a very blessed man to have her and he makes no secret of his love and devotion to her, their families and the life they are building together. This wouldn’t be the first time this man has inspired me to write, and it most likely will not be the last, because his never ending enthusiasm for life and forward progress is awe inspiring to any and all he crosses paths with in life, and even through social media he continues to strive in what he calls; his Journey Above Poverty. I feel blessed to call him my friend.

Then a picture popped up of a father and son; another person who has been part of my life’s story and the expression of love and happiness on both their faces, made my heart overflow with love and joy for them. There is no love like the love we get and receive from our children, and the love that we give them is some of the purest love I have ever known personally.

As much as technology aggravates me at times, and escapes my simple understanding, I have come to appreciate my morning coffee and facebook because even across miles and in the midst of our busy lives, there is still this magical connection to those who matter to us.

It makes me happy to see people that I have known for years and spent my childhood with raising beautiful families and living in happy marriages, fulfilling dreams and enjoying and loving life and each other, I enjoy the new friendships that have been started and are being built day by day. I appreciate the support that we give back and forth during good times and bad; the strength and sense of empowerment that we give to one another through our posts and just simply the very fact that I can be part of each of your lives, even if it’s not in person as much as we’d like.

Please know that I see you, I’m always praying for you, for all of us, and that I thank you all for the inspiration, support and friendship that is showered upon me daily by some amazing human beings in my life!

Have a very blessed day, and be a blessing as you go!

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

GOD Moments

Have you said, “Oh my God, my rent is due and I have no idea how to pay it!”
And then suddenly you find yourself blessed with the money to pay your rent, or to buy food, etc…coincidence?
I don’t believe so, I believe those to be GOD Moments; moments when He shows up and takes care of you like a good Father does, they are also given as reassurances that we are being heard, that our struggles are not going unnoticed and we are NOT ALONE.
I have been having more and more of them lately; or maybe I am just more aware of them than I have ever been, which is probably more accurate. This morning as I am sitting here writing this, another one has come; my daughter just got a new job which is much needed and hopefully the beginning of a new phase of her life, a more positive phase.

I am also about to begin a new phase of my working life; one that I have worked hard for, and I have remained steadfast over the past year as I have applied on several occasions at this facility only to be turned down for someone else. I went in this time applying for one shift a week, with the mindset that at least I will get my foot in the door and be able to show them what I have to offer them, 2 weeks later in the executive directors office, I am offered a full on position with them! Talk about timing!

I visited an old friend yesterday and talked about Faith, family, how precious life is etc…this friend is currently without physical freedom, but is learning to free his mind and embrace something new that he has never known, inner peace and tranquility, and a sense that if he remains Faithful, he will be blessed. Had it not been for him asking that I please come to see him, I would not have, out of my own lack of courage and because it’s easier for me to deal with his pain through a letter once a week, as opposed to facing his current reality, but I was directed there yesterday morning as I found myself detouring from grocery shopping to make a quick stop there. When we first saw each other, I felt the outpouring of love that I have always had for this man; he is truly one of the best people who has ever blessed my world and I will always hold great love in my heart for him. His smile and his surprise were all I needed to know that I had made the right choice; I’m not even sure I made it, I just drove the car and someone else was steering it. Even in the smallest of signs I knew God had orchestrated this meeting; the usual 30 minute visit was allowed to run over into an hour, and we laughed and sometimes we just sat there looking at each other smiling; we always said so much that way to each other, through our eyes, I love that about us; it’s just simple and comfortable. As we rose to part ways, he told me how seeing me had made his day and made him feel good; made him feel cared for, he said. He thinks that I gifted him, but what I know to be true is that GOD gifted us both.

It is my hope for everyone reading this that you find the ability to be awake to God Moments, because they happen ALL the time, it’s really just a matter of whether you’re listening and paying attention or not. ;)

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

"The Early bird..."

Gets the worm! Or in my case, hammers out pages of writing! Writer's block be gone!

I woke up this morning before the birds even did, and before I had a chance to even feel agitated about being awake so early on a day when I didn't have to be in to work til mid afternoon, I was up being productive and getting things done. I sat down at the computer with my coffee in hand to begin my morning routine of facebook reading and posting, but my mind was cranking out paragraphs and showing me pictures of him and a time passed; I took another sip and pulled up a blank page and began typing. I've always known that I would have to tell our story one day, it was too magical and spiritual not to, but each time I had tried to begin, I lost the feeling and got stuck on words, which would always lead to me walking away and leaving the story in the back recesses of my mind.

Today, however, everything was in sync and the words have flowed from me, the story of him and me unfolding and being re-lived, moment by precious moment...it's all a little bittersweet, really...but it will live on in my heart and spirit always, and he will always be one of my favorite stories to tell. :)

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

Be Blessed today, folks, & always...Be a Blessing as you go!

Tanning Bed Illuminations: The Sunny Side of Life

Tanning Bed Illuminations: The Sunny Side of Life

 

As I begin this, I am chuckling because they say a title is one of the most important elements of a piece, it’s what initially draws a reader in; in this case the title runs far deeper than it seems and only a few will “get it” , which is completely okay, the message will be clear to the rest nonetheless.

 

Sunny side up eggs have always been unappealing to me, they are half cooked and slimy, both of which I cannot handle when it comes to eggs, but I have to think that those eggs are aware that they are only partially cooked, that technically they have room to be cooked more without being too cooked. Okay, seriously, I’m sure those eggs don’t know shit about anything, they are eggs!  That was a metaphor for anyone who missed it. Are we on the same page now? J

 

We meet people along the way in life for reasons, nothing is an accident, each and every experience and person is an instrument or a learning tool if you will, in one form or another; oftentimes we are the vessels by which something is to be taught/learned and we don’t even know it. We should learn to look at even the challenging people and experiences as “good” or “valuable” because it’s from those moments and those folks, that we truly experience learning and growth; I mean, think about it, if everything were all roses and rainbows how would we elevate ourselves to a better vibration? We wouldn’t; think about it like this, some of the most beautiful rock formations were created out of constant lashing by water and sand and dirt and other rocks colliding over and over again until the surface becomes smooth and shaped into something amazing; so too are we shaped and molded by life.

 

I met him over a year ago, (and one day that will be a story in and of itself) although it seems like forever has been and gone sometimes because the value of meeting him and his presence in my life has been immeasurable and intense. I’ve met a lot of people over the course of my life, and some of them I barely remember, while others have been a lasting memory that never fades or quiets, and some are still here, still journeying through life with me and they are the people I call Friend(s). Regardless of where the roads lead, and believe me, it has not always led to pretty places; he will always be someone who has had a lasting impact on my spirit. The danger with those who have such an impact on us is that here and there we allow them too much power in our psyche, we listen to them harder than we listen to our own voice sometimes and run the risk of falling into holes of self doubt and spiritual turmoil, until and unless we grow so strong within our own spirit that we can hear without completely absorbing the opinions and ranting of another soul who is searching and incomplete just like we are; therein lies the key, realizing that everyone is on a journey of some kind; no one is perfect and flawless, even those who stand on soapboxes and proclaim to have some royal insight that no one else but GOD has. I have found that those who preach about EGO are the ones that seem to be the most afflicted with the dis-ease of the ego. How ironic. I don’t appreciate people who feel the need to manipulate others with lies and mental games, I don’t have respect for those who feel justified in toying with others feelings for the sake of their own ego’s, and people who will lie and distort the truth of who they are, do just that for the simple sake of feeding something lacking within themselves. It’s a beautiful moment when we awaken to that realization and take away the power of those folks who feel so justified in tearing us down when we threaten the foundation of bullshit that they stand on. People who need to force-feed others with how enlightened they are, are clearly not all that enlightened at all; ego needs to claim righteousness; the simple and pure enlightened soul moves quietly through life and others and touches and heals just by the silent art of being.

Oh, but I do thank you…I thank you for the beauty you shared with me as well as the ego you exposed; I learned a great deal from both.

 

 

Love & Light~

 

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

When life hands you .....

...Shit; shovel it!

Okay, I realize that is not the most proper way to begin this, but you do know who you're talking to, right? I just don't really like lemonade or tequila so the whole "when life hands you lemons, grab tequila!" saying doesnt really apply...shoveling shit however, I can relate to that! But let me stop-

Over a week ago my car broke down, you know, just when I was getting stuff figured out financially and seeing that there is truly a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, BAM!! I'm not going to sit here and dwell on the 100 levels of messed up that my car is in right now, but I am going to dwell on the man who has once again come to my side and not left me; aside from my Ever loving Higher Power....the truest, realest man in my life, my best friend from way back.

I've been stuck in self pity, frustration,  & just over all bad attitude over all of this instead of seeing what is so clear in front of me; it could be so much worse first and foremost, but add to that, that I have not been abandoned or left to just deal with all this alone, he has once again come through from miles away to make sure that I am okay and back on the road in my own car, (because Im sure he would like his other car back as well. :) )
Not only has he spent tireless hours under the hood of this ailing vehicle, he keeps a positive attitude, smiles and laughs and tells me over and over that this is what friends are for. I guess I wouldnt know because I have never had as devoted a friend as this one, so it's all still a learning process to me. I had to take a moment to step back and breathe and realize that I'm alright, everything is alright, this is a speedbump and I just forgot to slow down and hit it too hard, so now I have to recover and get back on the right track.  I am a blessed woman and I am so aware of it most days, but i realized today how easy it is to see those blessings when the struggles are far away, the true test of our character comes in times of adversity, and I am not very proud of my character right now, but I am changing it even as I type this. Everything is going to be alright.

There are alot of good people in my life, don't get it twisted, and the real ones who offer emotional support etc mean just as much to me, so I don't mean to leave people out in the cold.  I would like to believe that you all know who you are without saying.
I am a BLESSED WOMAN, and this TOO SHALL PASS.

Have a great Sunday!