When Forgiveness is Enough

I taught my children as my father taught me; people will not always be good to you, Be good anyway. People will not always speak kindly to you, speak kindly anyway, and the lines I will never forget; It's easy to love those who love you, but it takes courage to love those who don't.

I think that I misinterpretted this message somewhere along the way in my life, because I have been there for/helped people that I probably should not have because of the history with them all in the name of being a kind and good hearted person, I mean heck, if Jesus can speak to people as they are killing him and bless them with love and forgiveness, I should surely be able to deal with the fact that people have wronged me, and still be a good person to them, right?  I've never been sure where to draw the line between who I should help and who I should just pray for and move on from; so when someone calls me in need, I'm there, because I genuinely care about people overall.

Sometimes we learn lessons the hard way, and I am absolutely no exception to that; I am too often set in my ways of how I feel I should conduct my life, and my good intent sends me down paths that end up being less than good for me. As I sat here today thinking about things, and how some people are just straight up ego filled assholes, I realized that my mistake all this time was in not really knowing when its okay to just not be there for someone and still be a true loving and spiritual being. I do good because it's important for me to put goodness out there into the world, I care because that's what we should do as human beings for each other, but the reality is that there really just are some people that we can give ourselves permission to close the door on and send love and light through the universe for them.
I need to be better about that, for the sake of my Self and my own heart. It hurts when you step out for someone else, even when they have hurt you in the past and they just use that opportunity to twist the knife they had already planted in your back.  I learned today.

When the Bough Breaks

When the Bough Breaks:

 

Life changes without our permission and most times without any notice;
It just transforms into something else in the blink of an eye.

They say everything happens for a reason, but honestly, I am still

pondering some of the moves and working to just trust that they are and have, happened for reasons that just have not become clear to me yet.
How does something that feels so completely right in a moment, turn into something that you feel you need to escape in the next? How do friendships that have been built on trust and honesty dissolve into nothingness because of that same trust and honesty?

Why do children die? Why do horrible things happen to good people? Why do heartless people get to keep existing and inflicting pain on the world?

Do you have the answers, because I sure don’t.
What I do know is that no matter what happens and how badly we want to stop moving, breathing, and managing; we cannot stop, we have to keep moving, even if it’s just one small step, one short breath or one simple heartbeat. The universe continues to flow around us, birds still sing even on the mornings that we wake up with broken hearts and puffy eyes from all the crying we did the night before. The boss still expects you to be on time for work, and dinner still needs to be cooked. Life goes on; whether you’re participating or not.

As we journey through Life, we lose lovers, friends, and pets and so much more; so much more like pride and arrogance, selfishness and greed; or at least that is the hope. Time is supposed to bring with it wisdom and humility. Maybe we lose things and people we are attached to so that we can learn that nothing is permanent here, nothing and no one is forever, but merely experiences that we navigate through to learn the things we need to learn?

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?  What if it just makes us colder? What if it makes us hateful for what someone else has that we don’t? What separates that person, from a person who just accepts each life altering moment and pushes forward?  My thought?  FAITH.

Faith is not strengthened in moments that we already know what’s coming, Faith is conceived in those moments when the staircase is dark and we can only see the step we are on. We move slowly up the stairs, not knowing what awaits us on the next one, but we step anyway.

When we stop expecting that Life will always play fair, we begin to get somewhere; we accept, through tears and heavy hearts that friends grow apart, lovers fall out of love, and people die. We don’t accept it because it makes a damn bit of sense, we accept it because we have come far enough to understand that now and then things just don’t make sense at first glance, and they do not always feel good, but we inhale, we exhale, and we have FAITH that the Universe has a plan and that in each challenge we face there is a gift to uncover to elevate us to the next level of our journey here.

STAY FAITHFUL- We are all in this together.

~Peace

 

 

Two Sides

TWO SIDES

 

I felt you pushing on the door

But all I could do was stand on the other side

refusing to allow it to open all the way;

It was a moment of choices and I had to choose the right one.

Almost like a predator you prey upon my kindness

And take me for granted, always knowing when to strike

as though you smell the vulnerability on me.

I don’t believe in accidents, so I know that I am here again

For a reason; once again facing test day.

I have two choices now as I stand

on the other side of this door with you;

I can take the road that is predictable, even though

It won’t be good for me, or maybe even for you, it will

At least be familiar; or I can quietly just walk away

And leave you standing there alone to face your own hellish

demons without being able to use me as a buffer.

 

 One requires courage and strength from me

While the other just seems so easy; but then

The realization strikes with brute force and tells me

That to concede once more will bring me no peace,

Only more let down and disappointment,

because at the end of the day this really isn’t about you at all-

It is about Me and what I will allow in my life.

 In a moment, I inhaled and let it slowly drift out,

Breathing out doubt and self defeating thoughts;

And then quietly I moved away from the door

and left you alone on the other side of it.

You can push it open, I just won’t be there waiting

on the other side  this time.

I’m choosing me over you; I’m choosing forward progress over chaos.

I choose to love myself enough to make the right choice

Because I know that any other option will

Keep me grounded in one spot and I cannot

Move forward with my feet stuck in quicksand.

 

07/2013

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

The Morning After

July 14,2013

 

I woke up this morning and sat down to write with tears in my eyes; how can life be so fickle? I spent the day with my son and daughter in law, and a terrific friend and came home riding the high from my day; to hear a verdict of not guilty in the Zimmerman/Martin case. My heart sunk, the outrage took over and I felt myself feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Why? Because I’m white, and for a moment I believed that this was about color, but this morning, I realize it’s far deeper than that; it’s about the horrific flaws in this system of “justice” that we have in this country. It’s not because he was a young black man, because if that were the case, why did FLA let Casey Anthony go after the world knew damn well she killed her children; they were all white.  White parents, Mexican parents, native parents, NO ONE is excluded in this ugliness of the world, we all lose! And I know in my heart that across the U.S people of all colors were supporting this young man and his family, we didn’t see color, we saw the loss of an innocent life, period. I read things this morning about how this is the white folks getting back at the blacks for the O.J case. I scratch my head and wonder how feeding this line of thinking is going to get us anywhere good?  I responded to an online forum and was told that because I was white I didn’t understand and never would. Really!?

 

Let me clarify something; I am a MOTHER, that trumps your damn skin color bullshit, I’m tired of all this bitching about race, stand up and DO something about all of the injustices you feel instead of pointing fingers I know this world is biased in some ways, but we are not ever going to invoke change by sitting on our hands and letting it victimize us, stand up and be heard! DO something to bring about positive change with all of that emotional energy! Russell Simmons said that last night, “we must remain peaceful. No matter what, remain peaceful. If you have anger this evening, put that energy into challenging these horrible laws that allow overly-anxious neighborhood watchmen to carry guns and shoot innocent people.”

 

A man and a woman lost a son, it doesn’t take being the same race for anyone to understand that, it takes a heart, and human compassion; I had just spent the day with my son, don’t think I didn’t sit here last night imagining the horror of him being gone. We cannot let this become more unrest amongst us, we cannot let the ugliness of the world win, we have to rise up and come together and instead of people like Treyvon, MLK & so many others dying in vain, we need to bring about unity and change!!!

 

Stop fighting one another, stop feeding it, and stop being victimized by any of it, RISE UP AND UNITE in positive ways to change the world we live in! I don’t have the answers or the blueprint, but I look around and I listen, and I see and hear all of the ways we disrespect each other; men/women against one another, black women against white women, and the list goes on and on, its not stopping any of it, it is perpetuating it! Why don’t we recognize that?  We cannot stop hatred with more hatred, we cannot stop racism with more racial tension, we cannot teach non-violence when we are violent…Maybe this is a test to see how far we have come as a people; maybe it has less to do with the dysfunctional justice system and more to do with a Higher Power testing us to see if we will learn and this time come together in peace and for peace, or whether we will let this divide us even more than we already have. We can blame whoever we want day to day for being treated less than by others, but each and every moment of every day that we are given we wake up with the ability to freely choose how we feel and WHO WE WILL BE that day. You can choose to be angry because the world is unfair to you, you can blame it on your skin color, you can blame it on your weight, but ultimately, we all have a choice to either stand for something good, or fall for something less. I choose to love and to stand for my fellow people, no matter their color, creed, etc…I CHOOSE to think good thoughts even in the midst of pain and sorrow, because I know in my heart that good always prevails over evil, in some way or another I know that it does.

 

 

George Zimmerman is not a free man today; he was dismissed of charges yes, but for the rest of his life he will look over his shoulder and not feel safe, he will fear for his family’s safety, he will never gain back the life that he knew. He didn’t really win; it’s more a matter of where we imprisoned him because he is behind bars no matter how you want to see it.

 

My heart hurts this morning, we are a society and a government full of ills, and we just keep band aiding the issues instead of actually getting in there and building something better, but I’m going to send one more prayer up for all of us right now, I’m going to pray for guidance and for love and patience and compassion because we all need it, and then I’m going to dust myself off and go out into the world be the positive change I want to see; one person, one step at a time, because it’s better than doing nothing but crying in outrage w/no movement forward.

 

R.I P Treyvon, you are truly in such a better place than this mess we are left with here…

Everyone needs to bow their heads and pray to whatever God you pray to, and send something positive out for this family, for this world, for yourself and for me; turn this into positive energy and watch change begin.

 

~Peace, Love & Light

 

 

 

Tanning Bed Illuminations: The Sunny Side of Life

Tanning Bed Illuminations: The Sunny Side of Life

 

As I begin this, I am chuckling because they say a title is one of the most important elements of a piece, it’s what initially draws a reader in; in this case the title runs far deeper than it seems and only a few will “get it” , which is completely okay, the message will be clear to the rest nonetheless.

 

Sunny side up eggs have always been unappealing to me, they are half cooked and slimy, both of which I cannot handle when it comes to eggs, but I have to think that those eggs are aware that they are only partially cooked, that technically they have room to be cooked more without being too cooked. Okay, seriously, I’m sure those eggs don’t know shit about anything, they are eggs!  That was a metaphor for anyone who missed it. Are we on the same page now? J

 

We meet people along the way in life for reasons, nothing is an accident, each and every experience and person is an instrument or a learning tool if you will, in one form or another; oftentimes we are the vessels by which something is to be taught/learned and we don’t even know it. We should learn to look at even the challenging people and experiences as “good” or “valuable” because it’s from those moments and those folks, that we truly experience learning and growth; I mean, think about it, if everything were all roses and rainbows how would we elevate ourselves to a better vibration? We wouldn’t; think about it like this, some of the most beautiful rock formations were created out of constant lashing by water and sand and dirt and other rocks colliding over and over again until the surface becomes smooth and shaped into something amazing; so too are we shaped and molded by life.

 

I met him over a year ago, (and one day that will be a story in and of itself) although it seems like forever has been and gone sometimes because the value of meeting him and his presence in my life has been immeasurable and intense. I’ve met a lot of people over the course of my life, and some of them I barely remember, while others have been a lasting memory that never fades or quiets, and some are still here, still journeying through life with me and they are the people I call Friend(s). Regardless of where the roads lead, and believe me, it has not always led to pretty places; he will always be someone who has had a lasting impact on my spirit. The danger with those who have such an impact on us is that here and there we allow them too much power in our psyche, we listen to them harder than we listen to our own voice sometimes and run the risk of falling into holes of self doubt and spiritual turmoil, until and unless we grow so strong within our own spirit that we can hear without completely absorbing the opinions and ranting of another soul who is searching and incomplete just like we are; therein lies the key, realizing that everyone is on a journey of some kind; no one is perfect and flawless, even those who stand on soapboxes and proclaim to have some royal insight that no one else but GOD has. I have found that those who preach about EGO are the ones that seem to be the most afflicted with the dis-ease of the ego. How ironic. I don’t appreciate people who feel the need to manipulate others with lies and mental games, I don’t have respect for those who feel justified in toying with others feelings for the sake of their own ego’s, and people who will lie and distort the truth of who they are, do just that for the simple sake of feeding something lacking within themselves. It’s a beautiful moment when we awaken to that realization and take away the power of those folks who feel so justified in tearing us down when we threaten the foundation of bullshit that they stand on. People who need to force-feed others with how enlightened they are, are clearly not all that enlightened at all; ego needs to claim righteousness; the simple and pure enlightened soul moves quietly through life and others and touches and heals just by the silent art of being.

Oh, but I do thank you…I thank you for the beauty you shared with me as well as the ego you exposed; I learned a great deal from both.

 

 

Love & Light~

 

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved.