An Infinitely Blessed Life

Yes, that is what my life is; and today I married that notion, I committed to believing because my life, even through the struggles, is a living example of the universes way of listening and responding.
I got a tattoo that I feel like I was guided right to by my angels and the energies in my life. I have been wanting more tattoos for awhile now and have had a hard timing figuring out what I wanted and where I wanted it placed, so I have put a lot of thought into what I wanted to commit to for the rest of my life; I take that idea very seriously, so I meditated last night about it, and then I began perusing the internet for the images that I could use to create what I needed.
I printed pages out, cut out the pictures that spoke to me, and then began thinking about the story I wanted to tell with the ink work I am about to have painted symbolically on my skin. For me, the purpose of a tattoo is to tell a story with it, to symbolize something that moved me so powerfully in my life that I want it permanently painted on me.

I was humbled again last night by the pure love and gratitude of a child; I woke up today knowing exactly which design to go with and where I wanted it to be put as a constant reminder of how blessed my life is infinitely. :)

 And here is the final artwork;

 

Blessings Disguised as Trials and Tribulations

Who would have thought that one week ago when I became so ill with this respiratory crap, I would look upon it as a blessing? A what? Yes, I said that, A BLESSING.
Let me explain; I was experiencing a burn-out in ways that I wasn't even directly aware of right away, work burn out, life burn out, all of it; I was drowning in emotions that I felt like I had no control over and knew not where the hell they were even emanating from. I did a good job of smiling in public, making small talk with friends, and carrying on as usual to the everyday world; inside however was a whole other universe whirling; one of stress, fatigue, loneliness and overall questioning. I was questioning everything! Why am I here? Why is everything so damn hard, while others just seem to skate through life unscathed? I had family and friends going through horrible things to which I could do nothing but sit by and helplessly watch and silently pray, but then the light at the end of the tunnel showed itself to me and I understood more.

I was forced off of work, forced to be still, and forced to allow my body to physically just stop and rest; I truly had no choice because in the moments that I thought I was stronger than some damn sickness my body said "screw you, we got you on this one, sit down!" and sit down I did. 

I dove head first into my second weeks of classes and found myself flipping page after page consumed in such a good way by the information in front of me. I've never been big on history, (which I know is not cool, because a lot of it is really some good information), but I was understanding so much more about human behaviors and the processes by which we operate that I couldn't help but just keep going; and going...It brought to light so many factors in my own life in regards to my job, the people I work with and for, and to the world around me and my place in it. I'm not "normal" (what the hell is normal anyway, and who defines what is normal?) and I am SO okay with that. I don't deal with life on a surface level, I feel it inside. It's funny as I think about the people along the way who have had no real understanding and have labeled me as "too emotional", "too intense"; Oh yes, trust me, I am both emotional and intense, but who are you to say it's TOO much? Has the thought ever occurred to those people that perhaps they are "too" disconnected from themselves, from their spirit, from the universe as a whole? Probably not, or else they wouldn't be casting such shallow judgments on others.

I'm recovering well and am back to work today, and I am actually looking forward to stepping back into my role as an advocate for the women in our house, because I have a very renewed sense of myself and my purpose. I know why I'm here, I know who I am and I know that what I am doing is very real, not only to me, but to those I encounter. I am just one small drop in a vast ocean of possibility, yes, but I have the ability and the responsibility to create ripples that will turn into mighty waves.

When the Bough Breaks

When the Bough Breaks:

 

Life changes without our permission and most times without any notice;
It just transforms into something else in the blink of an eye.

They say everything happens for a reason, but honestly, I am still

pondering some of the moves and working to just trust that they are and have, happened for reasons that just have not become clear to me yet.
How does something that feels so completely right in a moment, turn into something that you feel you need to escape in the next? How do friendships that have been built on trust and honesty dissolve into nothingness because of that same trust and honesty?

Why do children die? Why do horrible things happen to good people? Why do heartless people get to keep existing and inflicting pain on the world?

Do you have the answers, because I sure don’t.
What I do know is that no matter what happens and how badly we want to stop moving, breathing, and managing; we cannot stop, we have to keep moving, even if it’s just one small step, one short breath or one simple heartbeat. The universe continues to flow around us, birds still sing even on the mornings that we wake up with broken hearts and puffy eyes from all the crying we did the night before. The boss still expects you to be on time for work, and dinner still needs to be cooked. Life goes on; whether you’re participating or not.

As we journey through Life, we lose lovers, friends, and pets and so much more; so much more like pride and arrogance, selfishness and greed; or at least that is the hope. Time is supposed to bring with it wisdom and humility. Maybe we lose things and people we are attached to so that we can learn that nothing is permanent here, nothing and no one is forever, but merely experiences that we navigate through to learn the things we need to learn?

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?  What if it just makes us colder? What if it makes us hateful for what someone else has that we don’t? What separates that person, from a person who just accepts each life altering moment and pushes forward?  My thought?  FAITH.

Faith is not strengthened in moments that we already know what’s coming, Faith is conceived in those moments when the staircase is dark and we can only see the step we are on. We move slowly up the stairs, not knowing what awaits us on the next one, but we step anyway.

When we stop expecting that Life will always play fair, we begin to get somewhere; we accept, through tears and heavy hearts that friends grow apart, lovers fall out of love, and people die. We don’t accept it because it makes a damn bit of sense, we accept it because we have come far enough to understand that now and then things just don’t make sense at first glance, and they do not always feel good, but we inhale, we exhale, and we have FAITH that the Universe has a plan and that in each challenge we face there is a gift to uncover to elevate us to the next level of our journey here.

STAY FAITHFUL- We are all in this together.

~Peace

 

 

GOD Moments

Have you said, “Oh my God, my rent is due and I have no idea how to pay it!”
And then suddenly you find yourself blessed with the money to pay your rent, or to buy food, etc…coincidence?
I don’t believe so, I believe those to be GOD Moments; moments when He shows up and takes care of you like a good Father does, they are also given as reassurances that we are being heard, that our struggles are not going unnoticed and we are NOT ALONE.
I have been having more and more of them lately; or maybe I am just more aware of them than I have ever been, which is probably more accurate. This morning as I am sitting here writing this, another one has come; my daughter just got a new job which is much needed and hopefully the beginning of a new phase of her life, a more positive phase.

I am also about to begin a new phase of my working life; one that I have worked hard for, and I have remained steadfast over the past year as I have applied on several occasions at this facility only to be turned down for someone else. I went in this time applying for one shift a week, with the mindset that at least I will get my foot in the door and be able to show them what I have to offer them, 2 weeks later in the executive directors office, I am offered a full on position with them! Talk about timing!

I visited an old friend yesterday and talked about Faith, family, how precious life is etc…this friend is currently without physical freedom, but is learning to free his mind and embrace something new that he has never known, inner peace and tranquility, and a sense that if he remains Faithful, he will be blessed. Had it not been for him asking that I please come to see him, I would not have, out of my own lack of courage and because it’s easier for me to deal with his pain through a letter once a week, as opposed to facing his current reality, but I was directed there yesterday morning as I found myself detouring from grocery shopping to make a quick stop there. When we first saw each other, I felt the outpouring of love that I have always had for this man; he is truly one of the best people who has ever blessed my world and I will always hold great love in my heart for him. His smile and his surprise were all I needed to know that I had made the right choice; I’m not even sure I made it, I just drove the car and someone else was steering it. Even in the smallest of signs I knew God had orchestrated this meeting; the usual 30 minute visit was allowed to run over into an hour, and we laughed and sometimes we just sat there looking at each other smiling; we always said so much that way to each other, through our eyes, I love that about us; it’s just simple and comfortable. As we rose to part ways, he told me how seeing me had made his day and made him feel good; made him feel cared for, he said. He thinks that I gifted him, but what I know to be true is that GOD gifted us both.

It is my hope for everyone reading this that you find the ability to be awake to God Moments, because they happen ALL the time, it’s really just a matter of whether you’re listening and paying attention or not. ;)

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

Book 2!!!

And yet another dream comes to beautiful fruition!!! Here it is, a collaboration with one of my favorite writers, my Aunt Becky Corinne Strukamp!! We have talked about this moment for years, today we see it bloom! It is a mixture of y poetry/short story, and a great contribution from my bestie R.Jones, and beautiful heartfelt poetry by Becky. GOD IS SO GOOD and I AM TRULY BLESSED!

https://www.createspace.com/4355919?ref=1147694&utm_id=6026

Speaking of Freedom -"I lack the instinct of conformity"

There will be darkness before there is light-

A feeling of insurmountable wrong

Before it begins to be right.

 

 

Sometimes when we sit quietly and ponder things we end up in places that we never even thought about going, or realized we needed to; that happened to me today. I was reading old journals, finding poems and old writings from a long time ago, reliving memories and people, feeling old emotions, all of that, and then a light bulb flashed and I saw something…

There was a time in my life that I was so confined emotionally, spiritually, even physically that I lost myself. I went through the motions, I played my parts in the roles I was given,  I conformed to what people around me were comfortable with, I played the “good girl” role every day of my life to keep everyone around me peaceful, but always flowing below the surface was a current that kept me feeling restless and discontent. I had allowed people to take away my spirit, I had allowed people to force me not to smile or to talk with others, I allowed the inner me, the real me, to get pushed back into a corner and be replaced with the me that my environment was comfortable with.

I remember not being able to tell a stranger that his gas tank was open without being accused of flirting; or smiling at someone as we pass them on a street or in a store and being accused of wanting that stranger more than I wanted him. I remember being so unhappy.

I looked at my children everyday and kept pushing for the best, but something was happening; I was growing, I was changing inside and I couldn’t explain it. Every time I was “boxed in” I grew more resentful, every time I was stripped of my own mind and heart, I grew angrier; but our children kept me holding on, learning strength and faith all the way. I fought and fought to keep that marriage alive and healthy, in my heart I know that I did everything I could do; today I accept that our season was just over then, our time together has expired and it was time for a different level of life.

I say all of that to say this-

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

(contined in pt. 2)

Annnnd HERE IT IS!!!!

www.createspace.com/4322830 , or Kindle, Or AMAZON.COM

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

Will also be available on AMAZON.COM in 3-5 days, and is on Kindle as well!

Woman KNOW Thyself-Poem by Charlie Chaplin

Woman KNOW Thyself

As I Began to Love Myself – Self Love Poem by Charlie Chaplin

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

... As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody. As I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this
person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”!See More

 

Tanning Bed Illuminations: The Reasons Why

 

When things fall apart, they come together……..

 

Have you ever sat back and wondered how people have just gone from your life when at one time they were the most important ones in it?

I used to; but then I realized over time that all people aren’t meant to be forever people; no matter how much good they may do at one time or another, it won’t guarantee that they stay; it’s just their season.

I’ve met people who seem so willing to just let love fade, let friendships die, and they seem so care free as they let go and shut doors. I didn’t understand that for awhile, but again, life is great for teaching us things if we just keep our eyes and ears open, yes, but even more? We keep our sight focused on awareness. Sight is more than our eyes see, and hearing is more than our ears do. Our very soul will see and hear all that’s important if we just stay awake in our own lives.

I have become one of those people, a person who will let things just fade out naturally without trying to revive it, or reclaim it, I’m getting better at shutting doors that I used to struggle with terribly, not because my heart has gone cold, but because I am more aware than ever that if I don’t choose the company I keep carefully and spend my time doing the things that will move me forward in my life, I have no one else to find fault in when I am still stuck in this same rut 3 days, 4 months, or even years from now. It’s my job to get right in my life, it’s MY job to achieve my goals and make things better for myself, mine and my higher power. People will come and go as they need to, people who will teach you about yourself, people who will need teaching from you, but not all of them will find a permanent spot, some of them, hell maybe even most of them, will only briefly visit and then you or they, make a choice to keep moving.

 

That used to hurt me so much inside, and that’s not to say that sometimes it still doesn’t when a door closes, by my own choosing or someone else’s, but I’m learning each and every step of the way, to just accept that there is a force at work, something so much more powerful and knowing than I am, and I have to trust that whatever it is, whatever we are comfortable calling it, is so much wiser than we are about this journey we are traveling.

Certain things fall apart, so that other things can come together, because too often we linger on something or someone that no longer serves a purpose and we leave no room for the better opportunities to be presented. It’s all a matter of flowing WITH life, instead of trying to control and manipulate it the way we think it should go.

Today, my goal is to BE …to be happy, to be peaceful, to be love and to be light, to myself and all others who cross my path today. To be present in each moment I am in, and do my very best to reach for my highest potential no matter what I am doing or what my external circumstances may be. I wish for all of you the very same.

JUST BE.

 

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

Tanning Bed Illuminations: The Sunny Side of Life

Tanning Bed Illuminations: The Sunny Side of Life

 

As I begin this, I am chuckling because they say a title is one of the most important elements of a piece, it’s what initially draws a reader in; in this case the title runs far deeper than it seems and only a few will “get it” , which is completely okay, the message will be clear to the rest nonetheless.

 

Sunny side up eggs have always been unappealing to me, they are half cooked and slimy, both of which I cannot handle when it comes to eggs, but I have to think that those eggs are aware that they are only partially cooked, that technically they have room to be cooked more without being too cooked. Okay, seriously, I’m sure those eggs don’t know shit about anything, they are eggs!  That was a metaphor for anyone who missed it. Are we on the same page now? J

 

We meet people along the way in life for reasons, nothing is an accident, each and every experience and person is an instrument or a learning tool if you will, in one form or another; oftentimes we are the vessels by which something is to be taught/learned and we don’t even know it. We should learn to look at even the challenging people and experiences as “good” or “valuable” because it’s from those moments and those folks, that we truly experience learning and growth; I mean, think about it, if everything were all roses and rainbows how would we elevate ourselves to a better vibration? We wouldn’t; think about it like this, some of the most beautiful rock formations were created out of constant lashing by water and sand and dirt and other rocks colliding over and over again until the surface becomes smooth and shaped into something amazing; so too are we shaped and molded by life.

 

I met him over a year ago, (and one day that will be a story in and of itself) although it seems like forever has been and gone sometimes because the value of meeting him and his presence in my life has been immeasurable and intense. I’ve met a lot of people over the course of my life, and some of them I barely remember, while others have been a lasting memory that never fades or quiets, and some are still here, still journeying through life with me and they are the people I call Friend(s). Regardless of where the roads lead, and believe me, it has not always led to pretty places; he will always be someone who has had a lasting impact on my spirit. The danger with those who have such an impact on us is that here and there we allow them too much power in our psyche, we listen to them harder than we listen to our own voice sometimes and run the risk of falling into holes of self doubt and spiritual turmoil, until and unless we grow so strong within our own spirit that we can hear without completely absorbing the opinions and ranting of another soul who is searching and incomplete just like we are; therein lies the key, realizing that everyone is on a journey of some kind; no one is perfect and flawless, even those who stand on soapboxes and proclaim to have some royal insight that no one else but GOD has. I have found that those who preach about EGO are the ones that seem to be the most afflicted with the dis-ease of the ego. How ironic. I don’t appreciate people who feel the need to manipulate others with lies and mental games, I don’t have respect for those who feel justified in toying with others feelings for the sake of their own ego’s, and people who will lie and distort the truth of who they are, do just that for the simple sake of feeding something lacking within themselves. It’s a beautiful moment when we awaken to that realization and take away the power of those folks who feel so justified in tearing us down when we threaten the foundation of bullshit that they stand on. People who need to force-feed others with how enlightened they are, are clearly not all that enlightened at all; ego needs to claim righteousness; the simple and pure enlightened soul moves quietly through life and others and touches and heals just by the silent art of being.

Oh, but I do thank you…I thank you for the beauty you shared with me as well as the ego you exposed; I learned a great deal from both.

 

 

Love & Light~

 

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

Love from "The Other Side"

Love from “The Other Side”

 

If you have followed my writing at all over time, you know that I grew up without my biological father. Anyone that has gone through this understands what that sentence entails, the emotions that we go through, the losses we feel, and the spaces that just never get filled. I have lived 42 years of my life and never heard his voice, never got to ask for money or keys to the car (lol), never got to just simply hug him.

 

In a moment of life when living and dying collided, my best friend in the world lost her baby girl at 5 years old; a tragic loss that has left such an empty space in so many lives. Emily was a gift to the world, a gift to everyone who was lucky enough to know her and even now, after she is no longer in this physical world she continues to bless people in her life; and her mama is one of those people that share her blessings with those she loves and cares for. Her heart is golden and so very big. In her moments of need, she has been able to reach out to a medium who has given her a channel of communication to her Emily, and in doing so has passed the blessing of that woman on to me, and has allowed me to share her and her partner, the two Amy’s (lol) with others in my life who need to some uplifting and some peace with those they have lost.

 

To say that my life has been altered would be too simple, too easy of a statement; I am changed inside, enlightened and know that I will never go back to who I was before those moments with the Amy’s. I communicated with my father, my grandmother and my uncle, and the biggest thing I took from all of it is that they aren’t gone, I say this all the time and I always believed it, but now? Whew! I will forever be a faithful believer.

Angels come in all forms, sometimes human even, and if you are awake, you always know them and recognize them for the beauty they have within. Marcy is one of those people to me, her and Emily opened a door for me that I could have never seen coming, and the best I can do at this point is listen to the wisdom I have been given from those who still love me even though they now love me purely in spirit form; and pay it forward to those in my life that I know long for that “one more conversation” moment with those who have gone from this world. Amy G and Amy S, are also angels in human form, and I hope that they know what a beautiful medicine they are to wounded hearts who grieve the losses in their lives.

 

I am moved by love; from those here and always from those “there”…I remember today that I AM A BLESSED WOMAN; and Unc? I'm paying attention ;)

 

Go make it a great day! J

 

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

Tanning Bed Illuminations- The Singular Theory

Singular thinking or something more?

 

One of my new favorite pages on facebook is a page by a young man named Trent Shelton; a very spiritually grounded man who inspires and encourages through his words and heartfelt expression. So to begin this, I would like to add his status from this morning on facebook because it seems truly fitting.

 

"

Trent Shelton

Man, I'm going to SWEDEN next week to speak and spread RehabTime. It trips me out because I vividly remember people around me telling me that YOU HAVE to plan this and plan that to make BIG THINGS happen, but something inside my heart was telling me that the only plan you have to make is the plan to FOLLOW God, and HE will take your life to places beyond your greatest dreams. My m...indset wasn't even thinking international this year, but God had something in store for RehabTime far greater. The best advice I can give anyone trying to live their purpose, catch their dream, etc....is to get out your own way. Don't put limitations on the blessings that God wants to give you, because you're so focused on your own agenda. Live your purpose daily and don't worry about the "how". God will take your life where HE needs you to be! #RehabTime"

 

 

 

There is a room, a place where I go to now and then to escape the harsh lighting of reality and bask in the glow of peace and tranquility. I can see it all so clearly that I feel like I can actually touch the soft fabric of the furniture I sit in while I am there. I’ve been visiting this room for years now, since the first night I dreamed of it and sat there with a silent friend. It was a moment in life when I was feeling particularly battered and beaten by the struggles I was facing in my marriage; I found myself sitting in this wide open spacious room, sunlight beaming in through large open windows, and the high vaulted ceilings met with a ledge all around the room, a decorative ledge, I remember thinking; but that’s when I saw Him sitting in the corner of the room, above me. I was sitting in a white plush chair with high arms, just the way I like, and I had a cup of coffee and a pen and tablet in my lap; feeling more complete than I have ever felt and being very aware of so much serenity within me. The view out of the patio doors was one of beach and vast blue water all around, it’s the house I have been telling friends and family I’m going to live in one day while I write my novels; the place where my dreams are alive and thriving.

 

 

 As of lately, I have been thinking about my future more, about relationships, my degree, my goals of writing books and my desire to do something positive in this world I live in, simply put; to make a difference! Just the other day I had a conversation with a friend about how I have come to see the ways in which I have lived a very “singular” lifestyle, sometimes the actions we live everyday and don’t think twice about, may be creating that which we “think” we don’t want. I even thought about the fact that I have always had one cat that is truly MY cat, and have built very one on one relationships with those cats, and even though there were other cats in the house at times, I never had the relationship with them that I did with the one cat I called mine; and like we do with our children and strangers, I have always watched other people and how they reacted to those pets in my life, and in all honesty, if I saw that the cat was uneasy or that the person was not open to them, it changed my opinion of that person.

I’m about to get a new kitten in my life, and I am more than happy about it, because I have missed the companionship, but it also led me to thinking about that singular theory; am I once again creating a one on one relationship with my pet and not really leaving much room for anyone or anything else? So, I think that I have decided to bring two kitties home, to create more of a well rounded relationship for myself, but also so that the kittens will not be forced into a solitary life inside an apartment. But all of this begs the question; when I see this room of my dreams, the only other “person” I see with me, is the beautiful Italian looking Angel that sits up on the ledge diagonally from my chair where I sit. His wings are glittery white and his skin is perfectly golden, and he doesn’t speak to me, but yet I feel volumes being said when I am there with him. An old friend once said to me, that he shared similar experiences and that he finally concluded that perhaps his dreams did not involve a partner per say, that it could be that he was meant to be on his own, pursuing his dreams and achieving his goals, without that other human being as his “one”. I wonder if that is the message that I am getting. I wonder if I am just so married and committed to my goals and my dreams of writing that I don’t see room for another as a permanent structure in my world. I ponder sometimes whether I have just gotten so comfortable in my own space and in the silence that I don’t want to sacrifice it so that I can open my life and my time to another in such a committed way; or is it just that I am simply a hot mess who is confused and doesn’t know what I want! Aughhh, the agony! I guess the realest answer that I have for myself, and obviously for those of you reading this, is that I look for certain qualities in a partner, and in fairness how can I want certain things from someone, but not offer the same in return? So, maybe it isn’t that I don’t or can’t see myself with someone else, it’s that I am on a track of preparing myself and being the right person when he does step onto my path; yes, I think I like that much better. J

Tanning Bed Illuminations- Intro

It's often funny to me where my inspiration comes from, or when it hits me; for years it was always while I was in the car either riding or driving  and able to just "zone out" into my own sphere where my thoughts moved freely and came to me openly. I realized today as I was lying in a tanning bed that hard as I tried to erase all thought and purpose from my mind, it was no use, the words were moving and creating anyway.
So, I have decided to use that as my new blog series if you will, and its called Tanning Bed Illuminations! Amazing, right? Hardly, but fitting nonetheless. :)

I hope that you will follow along, I welcome feedback and interaction via email and comments etc...how else will I know you're there if you don't show yourself? ;)

Come on, let's enjoy the tanning bed moments together! LOL

Part 2- A father's Love

I don’t believe that things happen by accident or coincidence, even though we use those words redundantly in our lives; each person and every Xperience is put into place for a purpose; lessons that we need to learn or things we need to teach someone else.  With that being stated, it then becomes more of a matter of gaining insight into the why, and as it has been pointed out to me, in this human capacity, we don’t always have the ability to reach that kind of understanding.

So if my perception is that there are open wounds and empty places in relation to my biological father and our lack of a relationship; my job is then to figure out how to apply the correct medicine to heal those wounds from the inside out, right? 

The first vital relationships we have with the opposite sex are with our parents, boys are drawn into the softness and comfort of their mothers, while girls are drawn into the strength and protection they get from their fathers; so if we don’t get those things, can you actually miss something you never had? Yes, because society gave us role models like June Cleaver and Mr. and Mrs. Brady (just aged myself, didn’t I? lol) so we then compare and contrast, us to them, etc…or as kids we witness our friends who have more functional homes than we have and want what they have, and seek the loving relationships that our friends had with their mothers or fathers, feeling confused and resentful when we don’t get the same thing. I recently listened to a clip from one of my favorite authors, Iyanla Vanzant, and she said that the things we experience in this life, are things that our soul decided upon before coming into this body in this physical sphere; things that we wanted to experience to advance ourselves to a higher level of energy and consciousness.

That leaves me thinking that all of this had its place and its purpose then, I’m not a victim, I chose this life because it would offer me the insights I was coming here to gain.

I guess ultimately I need to be thankful for the blessings in all of this, I have to choose that over sadness and a feeling of loss, it’s all a matter of my perception, it seems. I have the pleasure of having his wife in my life today, someone who was as close to him as another can be perhaps, and she so openly and willingly shares her memories of him with me; I know that that is no accident, we both believe he led us to each other because it was time. I think the medicine I need is simple surrender, acceptance and a willingness to just trust that this is all exactly what it was meant to be; and that one day he and I will have that meeting on the beach. I'll meet you there, Dad.

 

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

Thoughtful Thursday

I am about to begin my morning ritual to get ready to go earn my wage, but I got thinking about life and people and I felt like I had to release this tidbit of information before I go.

Life is full of all kinds of people, and I realize the importance each one of us has; even the people who hurt us, make us distrust etc...even they have a place because people are not always in our lives to teach us how TO be, sometimes they are there to teach us how NOT TO BE. I personally grew up in a world full of those people and today I'm thankful for them, because as I look in the mirror each day and face that woman staring back at me; I can feel good about who I see.

We spend alot of time in life being pissed off about the lackings of our parents or others, but ultimately there comes a day when the only person you can hold accountable for your actions are YOU. I could have been a statistic because of my past, I could have turned into all that I saw and experienced, but I didn't. I refuse to allow any of that to make me less than I was created to be.

Don't be less than you were created to be; no matter how people try to feed you their insecurity and mental poison; Just say NO.

Have a GREAT Thursday!