When the Bough Breaks

When the Bough Breaks:

 

Life changes without our permission and most times without any notice;
It just transforms into something else in the blink of an eye.

They say everything happens for a reason, but honestly, I am still

pondering some of the moves and working to just trust that they are and have, happened for reasons that just have not become clear to me yet.
How does something that feels so completely right in a moment, turn into something that you feel you need to escape in the next? How do friendships that have been built on trust and honesty dissolve into nothingness because of that same trust and honesty?

Why do children die? Why do horrible things happen to good people? Why do heartless people get to keep existing and inflicting pain on the world?

Do you have the answers, because I sure don’t.
What I do know is that no matter what happens and how badly we want to stop moving, breathing, and managing; we cannot stop, we have to keep moving, even if it’s just one small step, one short breath or one simple heartbeat. The universe continues to flow around us, birds still sing even on the mornings that we wake up with broken hearts and puffy eyes from all the crying we did the night before. The boss still expects you to be on time for work, and dinner still needs to be cooked. Life goes on; whether you’re participating or not.

As we journey through Life, we lose lovers, friends, and pets and so much more; so much more like pride and arrogance, selfishness and greed; or at least that is the hope. Time is supposed to bring with it wisdom and humility. Maybe we lose things and people we are attached to so that we can learn that nothing is permanent here, nothing and no one is forever, but merely experiences that we navigate through to learn the things we need to learn?

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?  What if it just makes us colder? What if it makes us hateful for what someone else has that we don’t? What separates that person, from a person who just accepts each life altering moment and pushes forward?  My thought?  FAITH.

Faith is not strengthened in moments that we already know what’s coming, Faith is conceived in those moments when the staircase is dark and we can only see the step we are on. We move slowly up the stairs, not knowing what awaits us on the next one, but we step anyway.

When we stop expecting that Life will always play fair, we begin to get somewhere; we accept, through tears and heavy hearts that friends grow apart, lovers fall out of love, and people die. We don’t accept it because it makes a damn bit of sense, we accept it because we have come far enough to understand that now and then things just don’t make sense at first glance, and they do not always feel good, but we inhale, we exhale, and we have FAITH that the Universe has a plan and that in each challenge we face there is a gift to uncover to elevate us to the next level of our journey here.

STAY FAITHFUL- We are all in this together.

~Peace

 

 

GOD Moments

Have you said, “Oh my God, my rent is due and I have no idea how to pay it!”
And then suddenly you find yourself blessed with the money to pay your rent, or to buy food, etc…coincidence?
I don’t believe so, I believe those to be GOD Moments; moments when He shows up and takes care of you like a good Father does, they are also given as reassurances that we are being heard, that our struggles are not going unnoticed and we are NOT ALONE.
I have been having more and more of them lately; or maybe I am just more aware of them than I have ever been, which is probably more accurate. This morning as I am sitting here writing this, another one has come; my daughter just got a new job which is much needed and hopefully the beginning of a new phase of her life, a more positive phase.

I am also about to begin a new phase of my working life; one that I have worked hard for, and I have remained steadfast over the past year as I have applied on several occasions at this facility only to be turned down for someone else. I went in this time applying for one shift a week, with the mindset that at least I will get my foot in the door and be able to show them what I have to offer them, 2 weeks later in the executive directors office, I am offered a full on position with them! Talk about timing!

I visited an old friend yesterday and talked about Faith, family, how precious life is etc…this friend is currently without physical freedom, but is learning to free his mind and embrace something new that he has never known, inner peace and tranquility, and a sense that if he remains Faithful, he will be blessed. Had it not been for him asking that I please come to see him, I would not have, out of my own lack of courage and because it’s easier for me to deal with his pain through a letter once a week, as opposed to facing his current reality, but I was directed there yesterday morning as I found myself detouring from grocery shopping to make a quick stop there. When we first saw each other, I felt the outpouring of love that I have always had for this man; he is truly one of the best people who has ever blessed my world and I will always hold great love in my heart for him. His smile and his surprise were all I needed to know that I had made the right choice; I’m not even sure I made it, I just drove the car and someone else was steering it. Even in the smallest of signs I knew God had orchestrated this meeting; the usual 30 minute visit was allowed to run over into an hour, and we laughed and sometimes we just sat there looking at each other smiling; we always said so much that way to each other, through our eyes, I love that about us; it’s just simple and comfortable. As we rose to part ways, he told me how seeing me had made his day and made him feel good; made him feel cared for, he said. He thinks that I gifted him, but what I know to be true is that GOD gifted us both.

It is my hope for everyone reading this that you find the ability to be awake to God Moments, because they happen ALL the time, it’s really just a matter of whether you’re listening and paying attention or not. ;)

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

One of those days

Today is one of those days when my mind is swimming and the unanswered questions lurk like a predator in the dark.
The one thing I have to keep reminding myself of is this...My FAITH is bigger than any problem this world can give me, it's just a matter of reminding myself of that over and over again.

Today I pray for a friend who just lost her son; in the blink of an eye life is taken just as easily as it was given and it is the "not knowing when" our time is up that makes me want to reach higher in each moment and to consistently work to be better than I was, because I do not want to live with regrets and even more I never want to regret the things I should have said, or could have experienced if only I would have been brave. In anothers loss, I am awakened to the fragility by which we exist; the next moment is never promised to us.

Tomorrow is Emily's birthday, and people that I love will celebrate her life, and hurt over the empty place she left. The comfort that I have though is that she never leaves, she is always lingering near watching out and directing the steps of those she left behind, including me. She says she sits with me at night because I am comforting to her and little does she realize that just that knowledge alone inspires me to stay connected to the light inside of me, because if her angelic spirit finds comfort in me, it tells me that there is something good in me, something that she can feel and see; I feel like I owe it to her to rise above the chaos and disorder in and around me and be the woman I was created to be. I want to stay worthy of her love and light in my life, and show appreciation by doing the work I need to do. Thank you for your presence and your love in my life little girl-

It's a writing kind of day- writing, music and meditation...I am merely the vessel thorugh which you flow- I surrender.

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

A Random Message- Holding on when Letting go is the answer

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
...
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

Remember to put the glass down.

Tanning Bed Illuminations: The Reasons Why

 

When things fall apart, they come together……..

 

Have you ever sat back and wondered how people have just gone from your life when at one time they were the most important ones in it?

I used to; but then I realized over time that all people aren’t meant to be forever people; no matter how much good they may do at one time or another, it won’t guarantee that they stay; it’s just their season.

I’ve met people who seem so willing to just let love fade, let friendships die, and they seem so care free as they let go and shut doors. I didn’t understand that for awhile, but again, life is great for teaching us things if we just keep our eyes and ears open, yes, but even more? We keep our sight focused on awareness. Sight is more than our eyes see, and hearing is more than our ears do. Our very soul will see and hear all that’s important if we just stay awake in our own lives.

I have become one of those people, a person who will let things just fade out naturally without trying to revive it, or reclaim it, I’m getting better at shutting doors that I used to struggle with terribly, not because my heart has gone cold, but because I am more aware than ever that if I don’t choose the company I keep carefully and spend my time doing the things that will move me forward in my life, I have no one else to find fault in when I am still stuck in this same rut 3 days, 4 months, or even years from now. It’s my job to get right in my life, it’s MY job to achieve my goals and make things better for myself, mine and my higher power. People will come and go as they need to, people who will teach you about yourself, people who will need teaching from you, but not all of them will find a permanent spot, some of them, hell maybe even most of them, will only briefly visit and then you or they, make a choice to keep moving.

 

That used to hurt me so much inside, and that’s not to say that sometimes it still doesn’t when a door closes, by my own choosing or someone else’s, but I’m learning each and every step of the way, to just accept that there is a force at work, something so much more powerful and knowing than I am, and I have to trust that whatever it is, whatever we are comfortable calling it, is so much wiser than we are about this journey we are traveling.

Certain things fall apart, so that other things can come together, because too often we linger on something or someone that no longer serves a purpose and we leave no room for the better opportunities to be presented. It’s all a matter of flowing WITH life, instead of trying to control and manipulate it the way we think it should go.

Today, my goal is to BE …to be happy, to be peaceful, to be love and to be light, to myself and all others who cross my path today. To be present in each moment I am in, and do my very best to reach for my highest potential no matter what I am doing or what my external circumstances may be. I wish for all of you the very same.

JUST BE.

 

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

Duality

 

I ride the train of extremes in my life, I’m either on top or I’m lying at the bottom

in a crumpled heap. Gray areas have never been my specialty; although I strive to find comfort there more often these days because with age comes knowledge and with knowledge comes wisdom.

It’s one thing to possess wisdom, it’s another thing what we do with it, or don’t. There is a voice within me that speaks to me of love and light; a voice that chatters all day long, even when it has to fight to be heard over the other voice that tries to silence it, and it tells me about a life in vivid color with pictures so alive.

I see what I am reaching for, clear as the nose on my face, but something keeps me

 

 

rooted too firmly in this old familiar place. Garth Brooks once sang about “standing outside the fire” and said that it is not enough to stand outside the fire, that it’s not living if you’re standing outside the fire, he was telling us that life is meant to be lived and risks are meant to be taken, “life is not tried, its just merely survived if you’re standing outside the fire. There is this love that is burning deep in my soul, constantly yearning to get out of control, wanting to fly higher and higher, but I can’t abide, standing outside the fire.” He was right, there is no living if we stay comfortably rooted in our own self created boxes where we feel safe, where we know what to expect, (even when it’s less than desirable) and where we really have to take very few risks. I’ve lived in those boxes, those created by me as well as by others, and it’s true enough that within those walls we can safely explore things and grow; but if you block the sunlight and forget to water a plant it will wilt, and so will we eventually.

I’ve busted out of so many boxes along the way, torn down so many walls around me, and in honesty have sometimes built new ones to put in their place; but always I break out of those too at some point. My spirit is restless too much of the time, seeking that which my minds eye has seen, desperate to quench the thirst in my soul for all I know can be, if only I can come out from behind the walls. I ask myself over and over what I am afraid of, I ponder over what holds me in place, and I find myself shedding tears as I look out the cracks in the doors that stand in front of me. They aren’t bolted shut, there are no locks upon them, they actually stand ajar so really all I have to do is push and open they will be, but I don’t. Why.

I am afraid to be who I am, who I was created to be; I begin and then I retreat. Why.

Each and everyday someone tells me about the impact they believe I have, they speak of power and positive energy, they speak of all these things that I feel inside and truly do know exist; but yet I’m cowering and I don’t know why.

I am a Scorpio; a spirit full of fire and intensity, but fiercely private and alone inside. How do I bring that out into the light and allow the public to finger it? I have to be ready for the onslaught of critiquing and the people who will hate. Is that it? Is that what I am afraid of?  I want to write, to express, to explode, but I hold it in check anymore because there have been too many people along the way who take it all too personally and come at me with daggers trying to stifle my need to release, so I once again sit down and hold it all in for others benefit at the cost of my own. There is danger in trying to place ourselves in others thoughts, making them about us, when in fact we may be no where near the idea. I feel the winds of change blowing across my face more and more these days, and I know that my moment is coming when the blocks just dissipate and I freely release it all, the good, the bad, the beautiful and the horrific and oh what a story it will be. Look out E. L James, I have 50 shades of my own! ;)