What You Think You Know- conclusion

 

With every woman and young girl who has crossed my path over the past 10 years, I am reminded of how important it is to nurture each other, to support one another and to empower one another. I’m not talking about women’s liberation here, I am talking about tending to our hearts, and tending to our souls and helping each other heal through life’s struggles and pains, instead of being petty and insecure and living behind walls of fear and resentment and jealousy. All of that serves no purpose in reaching higher ground; it will keep one stuck in quicksand.

I have watched a 17 year relationship crumble. I have been cheated on and lied to. I have been raped and sexually abused. I have been emotionally abused. I have been verbally abused. I have allowed myself to be used by people who weren’t worth the salt in my tears; I have allowed people to take up space and time in my precious life that didn’t have any intention of caring about anything other than themselves and what they could get.

I have been you; and somebody else, a wiser more seasoned woman is looking at me and saying the same thing.

I post what I post because I am surrounded by beautiful women who don’t know how beautiful and worthy they are, so they remain in relationships that do not serve them well, or they allow themselves to be the side chic or just one of many on his list of “to-do’s”—I post them because I have been you, and all it takes is for the right moment when things click to realize your worth, and to realize all of the ways you are blocking your own progress, and stagnating your own soul. Sometimes it takes another woman to stand in your presence and be a mirror so that you can see; who you are and what you are doing now, but more- who you can be, who you are meant to be, with some sunlight and water.

It’s important to me to love women, to offer nurturing where I can, and allow them to nurture me. I’m not blaming men, I’m merely standing up to say that unless and until we as women, learn how to love and support one another, empower one another without fear or agenda, we will continue to feel victimized by those who are careless with our hearts, and undeserving of our time. I post what I post to heal us; all of us.

09/©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

HAPPY

I sat here this morning feeling so damn content; and then I asked myself,

“Self? Why are you so happy today?”

(Yes, I do talk to my Self often…stop laughing!)

 

Well, then Self said, “Why shouldn’t I be happy? I woke up this morning from a restful nights sleep, which means I received a gift first thing this morning, and it isn’t a holiday or my birthday, it is just another day that the creator has given me to step up and give it one more go.” 

I thought about that for a second, but then I said,
“but we’re broke, and the car isn’t running right, and we’re alone, and , and, an….”

 Self smiled at me and gently put a finger to my lips to hush me; “We aren’t broke, we have everything we need today, food, shelter, a job that we love, friends who love us genuinely, family that we treasure, our health and our smile; everything else is just extra’s that will come in the perfect time; in the time that is right when we need it, not just because we want it. Don’t get stuck on those things that this material world convinces us are necessary;  see beyond your eyes and hear beyond your ears so that you may recognize the wealth that you have within you and around you.”

 

I sat quietly absorbing all of that and realized how right my Self was. I have a million reasons to feel this way and I am going to bask in it. J

I am doing something I love, and I am affecting others with my compassionate heart and my smile; and I see it everyday in the way I am greeted when I walk into the house at work, I feel it when I receive those random texts from my kids that say “I LOVE YOU”, I know it beyond the shadow of a doubt when those real friends in my life take time to let me know they care, and are in my corner in this world. I know it when I feel the very real energy of those who are gone from this physical world, but never leave me and always let me know just when I need it. I know true happiness when those who I have counted on and trusted in have let me down and betrayed my kind heart, because I still pray for their happiness and well being everyday, and I pray for the part of them that so easily hurts other with their callousness and self centered ways to be healed, because I refuse to give in to hate and animosity; neither of those serve me well.
As I listen to my daughter talk about her time at the fire department, her elation overflows and to hear her say “I am so happy when I am there, I know that’s where I am meant to be” My heart swells with pride because I want nothing more than for my children to know contentment and peace in this chaotic world, but also because it is a beautiful thing that she has chosen to go out into this world and be a part of making other people better; little does she know that just her presence is healing in and of itself and anyone blessed enough to be around her is already better because of it.

The cat box needs changing, and the laundry needs finishing among other random things on my list of to-do’s, but John Mayer is singing and the sun is shining, and I AM LOVE. I AM LOVED. And somewhere the water is calling me to come and sit peacefully with it today, so seek I shall for that quiet place with my Self and the water, and rejoice in all of the gifts that I have and the beauty that I feel within. It is my wish today that I share this feeling directly and indirectly with every person I cross paths with and every experience I find myself in today.

Love, Light and Peace to all of you, and to me and my Self JJJ

 

 

 

The Morning After

July 14,2013

 

I woke up this morning and sat down to write with tears in my eyes; how can life be so fickle? I spent the day with my son and daughter in law, and a terrific friend and came home riding the high from my day; to hear a verdict of not guilty in the Zimmerman/Martin case. My heart sunk, the outrage took over and I felt myself feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Why? Because I’m white, and for a moment I believed that this was about color, but this morning, I realize it’s far deeper than that; it’s about the horrific flaws in this system of “justice” that we have in this country. It’s not because he was a young black man, because if that were the case, why did FLA let Casey Anthony go after the world knew damn well she killed her children; they were all white.  White parents, Mexican parents, native parents, NO ONE is excluded in this ugliness of the world, we all lose! And I know in my heart that across the U.S people of all colors were supporting this young man and his family, we didn’t see color, we saw the loss of an innocent life, period. I read things this morning about how this is the white folks getting back at the blacks for the O.J case. I scratch my head and wonder how feeding this line of thinking is going to get us anywhere good?  I responded to an online forum and was told that because I was white I didn’t understand and never would. Really!?

 

Let me clarify something; I am a MOTHER, that trumps your damn skin color bullshit, I’m tired of all this bitching about race, stand up and DO something about all of the injustices you feel instead of pointing fingers I know this world is biased in some ways, but we are not ever going to invoke change by sitting on our hands and letting it victimize us, stand up and be heard! DO something to bring about positive change with all of that emotional energy! Russell Simmons said that last night, “we must remain peaceful. No matter what, remain peaceful. If you have anger this evening, put that energy into challenging these horrible laws that allow overly-anxious neighborhood watchmen to carry guns and shoot innocent people.”

 

A man and a woman lost a son, it doesn’t take being the same race for anyone to understand that, it takes a heart, and human compassion; I had just spent the day with my son, don’t think I didn’t sit here last night imagining the horror of him being gone. We cannot let this become more unrest amongst us, we cannot let the ugliness of the world win, we have to rise up and come together and instead of people like Treyvon, MLK & so many others dying in vain, we need to bring about unity and change!!!

 

Stop fighting one another, stop feeding it, and stop being victimized by any of it, RISE UP AND UNITE in positive ways to change the world we live in! I don’t have the answers or the blueprint, but I look around and I listen, and I see and hear all of the ways we disrespect each other; men/women against one another, black women against white women, and the list goes on and on, its not stopping any of it, it is perpetuating it! Why don’t we recognize that?  We cannot stop hatred with more hatred, we cannot stop racism with more racial tension, we cannot teach non-violence when we are violent…Maybe this is a test to see how far we have come as a people; maybe it has less to do with the dysfunctional justice system and more to do with a Higher Power testing us to see if we will learn and this time come together in peace and for peace, or whether we will let this divide us even more than we already have. We can blame whoever we want day to day for being treated less than by others, but each and every moment of every day that we are given we wake up with the ability to freely choose how we feel and WHO WE WILL BE that day. You can choose to be angry because the world is unfair to you, you can blame it on your skin color, you can blame it on your weight, but ultimately, we all have a choice to either stand for something good, or fall for something less. I choose to love and to stand for my fellow people, no matter their color, creed, etc…I CHOOSE to think good thoughts even in the midst of pain and sorrow, because I know in my heart that good always prevails over evil, in some way or another I know that it does.

 

 

George Zimmerman is not a free man today; he was dismissed of charges yes, but for the rest of his life he will look over his shoulder and not feel safe, he will fear for his family’s safety, he will never gain back the life that he knew. He didn’t really win; it’s more a matter of where we imprisoned him because he is behind bars no matter how you want to see it.

 

My heart hurts this morning, we are a society and a government full of ills, and we just keep band aiding the issues instead of actually getting in there and building something better, but I’m going to send one more prayer up for all of us right now, I’m going to pray for guidance and for love and patience and compassion because we all need it, and then I’m going to dust myself off and go out into the world be the positive change I want to see; one person, one step at a time, because it’s better than doing nothing but crying in outrage w/no movement forward.

 

R.I P Treyvon, you are truly in such a better place than this mess we are left with here…

Everyone needs to bow their heads and pray to whatever God you pray to, and send something positive out for this family, for this world, for yourself and for me; turn this into positive energy and watch change begin.

 

~Peace, Love & Light

 

 

 

Tanning Bed Illuminations- The Singular Theory

Singular thinking or something more?

 

One of my new favorite pages on facebook is a page by a young man named Trent Shelton; a very spiritually grounded man who inspires and encourages through his words and heartfelt expression. So to begin this, I would like to add his status from this morning on facebook because it seems truly fitting.

 

"

Trent Shelton

Man, I'm going to SWEDEN next week to speak and spread RehabTime. It trips me out because I vividly remember people around me telling me that YOU HAVE to plan this and plan that to make BIG THINGS happen, but something inside my heart was telling me that the only plan you have to make is the plan to FOLLOW God, and HE will take your life to places beyond your greatest dreams. My m...indset wasn't even thinking international this year, but God had something in store for RehabTime far greater. The best advice I can give anyone trying to live their purpose, catch their dream, etc....is to get out your own way. Don't put limitations on the blessings that God wants to give you, because you're so focused on your own agenda. Live your purpose daily and don't worry about the "how". God will take your life where HE needs you to be! #RehabTime"

 

 

 

There is a room, a place where I go to now and then to escape the harsh lighting of reality and bask in the glow of peace and tranquility. I can see it all so clearly that I feel like I can actually touch the soft fabric of the furniture I sit in while I am there. I’ve been visiting this room for years now, since the first night I dreamed of it and sat there with a silent friend. It was a moment in life when I was feeling particularly battered and beaten by the struggles I was facing in my marriage; I found myself sitting in this wide open spacious room, sunlight beaming in through large open windows, and the high vaulted ceilings met with a ledge all around the room, a decorative ledge, I remember thinking; but that’s when I saw Him sitting in the corner of the room, above me. I was sitting in a white plush chair with high arms, just the way I like, and I had a cup of coffee and a pen and tablet in my lap; feeling more complete than I have ever felt and being very aware of so much serenity within me. The view out of the patio doors was one of beach and vast blue water all around, it’s the house I have been telling friends and family I’m going to live in one day while I write my novels; the place where my dreams are alive and thriving.

 

 

 As of lately, I have been thinking about my future more, about relationships, my degree, my goals of writing books and my desire to do something positive in this world I live in, simply put; to make a difference! Just the other day I had a conversation with a friend about how I have come to see the ways in which I have lived a very “singular” lifestyle, sometimes the actions we live everyday and don’t think twice about, may be creating that which we “think” we don’t want. I even thought about the fact that I have always had one cat that is truly MY cat, and have built very one on one relationships with those cats, and even though there were other cats in the house at times, I never had the relationship with them that I did with the one cat I called mine; and like we do with our children and strangers, I have always watched other people and how they reacted to those pets in my life, and in all honesty, if I saw that the cat was uneasy or that the person was not open to them, it changed my opinion of that person.

I’m about to get a new kitten in my life, and I am more than happy about it, because I have missed the companionship, but it also led me to thinking about that singular theory; am I once again creating a one on one relationship with my pet and not really leaving much room for anyone or anything else? So, I think that I have decided to bring two kitties home, to create more of a well rounded relationship for myself, but also so that the kittens will not be forced into a solitary life inside an apartment. But all of this begs the question; when I see this room of my dreams, the only other “person” I see with me, is the beautiful Italian looking Angel that sits up on the ledge diagonally from my chair where I sit. His wings are glittery white and his skin is perfectly golden, and he doesn’t speak to me, but yet I feel volumes being said when I am there with him. An old friend once said to me, that he shared similar experiences and that he finally concluded that perhaps his dreams did not involve a partner per say, that it could be that he was meant to be on his own, pursuing his dreams and achieving his goals, without that other human being as his “one”. I wonder if that is the message that I am getting. I wonder if I am just so married and committed to my goals and my dreams of writing that I don’t see room for another as a permanent structure in my world. I ponder sometimes whether I have just gotten so comfortable in my own space and in the silence that I don’t want to sacrifice it so that I can open my life and my time to another in such a committed way; or is it just that I am simply a hot mess who is confused and doesn’t know what I want! Aughhh, the agony! I guess the realest answer that I have for myself, and obviously for those of you reading this, is that I look for certain qualities in a partner, and in fairness how can I want certain things from someone, but not offer the same in return? So, maybe it isn’t that I don’t or can’t see myself with someone else, it’s that I am on a track of preparing myself and being the right person when he does step onto my path; yes, I think I like that much better. J