When Forgiveness is Enough

I taught my children as my father taught me; people will not always be good to you, Be good anyway. People will not always speak kindly to you, speak kindly anyway, and the lines I will never forget; It's easy to love those who love you, but it takes courage to love those who don't.

I think that I misinterpretted this message somewhere along the way in my life, because I have been there for/helped people that I probably should not have because of the history with them all in the name of being a kind and good hearted person, I mean heck, if Jesus can speak to people as they are killing him and bless them with love and forgiveness, I should surely be able to deal with the fact that people have wronged me, and still be a good person to them, right?  I've never been sure where to draw the line between who I should help and who I should just pray for and move on from; so when someone calls me in need, I'm there, because I genuinely care about people overall.

Sometimes we learn lessons the hard way, and I am absolutely no exception to that; I am too often set in my ways of how I feel I should conduct my life, and my good intent sends me down paths that end up being less than good for me. As I sat here today thinking about things, and how some people are just straight up ego filled assholes, I realized that my mistake all this time was in not really knowing when its okay to just not be there for someone and still be a true loving and spiritual being. I do good because it's important for me to put goodness out there into the world, I care because that's what we should do as human beings for each other, but the reality is that there really just are some people that we can give ourselves permission to close the door on and send love and light through the universe for them.
I need to be better about that, for the sake of my Self and my own heart. It hurts when you step out for someone else, even when they have hurt you in the past and they just use that opportunity to twist the knife they had already planted in your back.  I learned today.

GOD Moments

Have you said, “Oh my God, my rent is due and I have no idea how to pay it!”
And then suddenly you find yourself blessed with the money to pay your rent, or to buy food, etc…coincidence?
I don’t believe so, I believe those to be GOD Moments; moments when He shows up and takes care of you like a good Father does, they are also given as reassurances that we are being heard, that our struggles are not going unnoticed and we are NOT ALONE.
I have been having more and more of them lately; or maybe I am just more aware of them than I have ever been, which is probably more accurate. This morning as I am sitting here writing this, another one has come; my daughter just got a new job which is much needed and hopefully the beginning of a new phase of her life, a more positive phase.

I am also about to begin a new phase of my working life; one that I have worked hard for, and I have remained steadfast over the past year as I have applied on several occasions at this facility only to be turned down for someone else. I went in this time applying for one shift a week, with the mindset that at least I will get my foot in the door and be able to show them what I have to offer them, 2 weeks later in the executive directors office, I am offered a full on position with them! Talk about timing!

I visited an old friend yesterday and talked about Faith, family, how precious life is etc…this friend is currently without physical freedom, but is learning to free his mind and embrace something new that he has never known, inner peace and tranquility, and a sense that if he remains Faithful, he will be blessed. Had it not been for him asking that I please come to see him, I would not have, out of my own lack of courage and because it’s easier for me to deal with his pain through a letter once a week, as opposed to facing his current reality, but I was directed there yesterday morning as I found myself detouring from grocery shopping to make a quick stop there. When we first saw each other, I felt the outpouring of love that I have always had for this man; he is truly one of the best people who has ever blessed my world and I will always hold great love in my heart for him. His smile and his surprise were all I needed to know that I had made the right choice; I’m not even sure I made it, I just drove the car and someone else was steering it. Even in the smallest of signs I knew God had orchestrated this meeting; the usual 30 minute visit was allowed to run over into an hour, and we laughed and sometimes we just sat there looking at each other smiling; we always said so much that way to each other, through our eyes, I love that about us; it’s just simple and comfortable. As we rose to part ways, he told me how seeing me had made his day and made him feel good; made him feel cared for, he said. He thinks that I gifted him, but what I know to be true is that GOD gifted us both.

It is my hope for everyone reading this that you find the ability to be awake to God Moments, because they happen ALL the time, it’s really just a matter of whether you’re listening and paying attention or not. ;)

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

One of those days

Today is one of those days when my mind is swimming and the unanswered questions lurk like a predator in the dark.
The one thing I have to keep reminding myself of is this...My FAITH is bigger than any problem this world can give me, it's just a matter of reminding myself of that over and over again.

Today I pray for a friend who just lost her son; in the blink of an eye life is taken just as easily as it was given and it is the "not knowing when" our time is up that makes me want to reach higher in each moment and to consistently work to be better than I was, because I do not want to live with regrets and even more I never want to regret the things I should have said, or could have experienced if only I would have been brave. In anothers loss, I am awakened to the fragility by which we exist; the next moment is never promised to us.

Tomorrow is Emily's birthday, and people that I love will celebrate her life, and hurt over the empty place she left. The comfort that I have though is that she never leaves, she is always lingering near watching out and directing the steps of those she left behind, including me. She says she sits with me at night because I am comforting to her and little does she realize that just that knowledge alone inspires me to stay connected to the light inside of me, because if her angelic spirit finds comfort in me, it tells me that there is something good in me, something that she can feel and see; I feel like I owe it to her to rise above the chaos and disorder in and around me and be the woman I was created to be. I want to stay worthy of her love and light in my life, and show appreciation by doing the work I need to do. Thank you for your presence and your love in my life little girl-

It's a writing kind of day- writing, music and meditation...I am merely the vessel thorugh which you flow- I surrender.

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

Book 2!!!

And yet another dream comes to beautiful fruition!!! Here it is, a collaboration with one of my favorite writers, my Aunt Becky Corinne Strukamp!! We have talked about this moment for years, today we see it bloom! It is a mixture of y poetry/short story, and a great contribution from my bestie R.Jones, and beautiful heartfelt poetry by Becky. GOD IS SO GOOD and I AM TRULY BLESSED!

https://www.createspace.com/4355919?ref=1147694&utm_id=6026