An Infinitely Blessed Life

Yes, that is what my life is; and today I married that notion, I committed to believing because my life, even through the struggles, is a living example of the universes way of listening and responding.
I got a tattoo that I feel like I was guided right to by my angels and the energies in my life. I have been wanting more tattoos for awhile now and have had a hard timing figuring out what I wanted and where I wanted it placed, so I have put a lot of thought into what I wanted to commit to for the rest of my life; I take that idea very seriously, so I meditated last night about it, and then I began perusing the internet for the images that I could use to create what I needed.
I printed pages out, cut out the pictures that spoke to me, and then began thinking about the story I wanted to tell with the ink work I am about to have painted symbolically on my skin. For me, the purpose of a tattoo is to tell a story with it, to symbolize something that moved me so powerfully in my life that I want it permanently painted on me.

I was humbled again last night by the pure love and gratitude of a child; I woke up today knowing exactly which design to go with and where I wanted it to be put as a constant reminder of how blessed my life is infinitely. :)

 And here is the final artwork;

 

Blessings Disguised as Trials and Tribulations

Who would have thought that one week ago when I became so ill with this respiratory crap, I would look upon it as a blessing? A what? Yes, I said that, A BLESSING.
Let me explain; I was experiencing a burn-out in ways that I wasn't even directly aware of right away, work burn out, life burn out, all of it; I was drowning in emotions that I felt like I had no control over and knew not where the hell they were even emanating from. I did a good job of smiling in public, making small talk with friends, and carrying on as usual to the everyday world; inside however was a whole other universe whirling; one of stress, fatigue, loneliness and overall questioning. I was questioning everything! Why am I here? Why is everything so damn hard, while others just seem to skate through life unscathed? I had family and friends going through horrible things to which I could do nothing but sit by and helplessly watch and silently pray, but then the light at the end of the tunnel showed itself to me and I understood more.

I was forced off of work, forced to be still, and forced to allow my body to physically just stop and rest; I truly had no choice because in the moments that I thought I was stronger than some damn sickness my body said "screw you, we got you on this one, sit down!" and sit down I did. 

I dove head first into my second weeks of classes and found myself flipping page after page consumed in such a good way by the information in front of me. I've never been big on history, (which I know is not cool, because a lot of it is really some good information), but I was understanding so much more about human behaviors and the processes by which we operate that I couldn't help but just keep going; and going...It brought to light so many factors in my own life in regards to my job, the people I work with and for, and to the world around me and my place in it. I'm not "normal" (what the hell is normal anyway, and who defines what is normal?) and I am SO okay with that. I don't deal with life on a surface level, I feel it inside. It's funny as I think about the people along the way who have had no real understanding and have labeled me as "too emotional", "too intense"; Oh yes, trust me, I am both emotional and intense, but who are you to say it's TOO much? Has the thought ever occurred to those people that perhaps they are "too" disconnected from themselves, from their spirit, from the universe as a whole? Probably not, or else they wouldn't be casting such shallow judgments on others.

I'm recovering well and am back to work today, and I am actually looking forward to stepping back into my role as an advocate for the women in our house, because I have a very renewed sense of myself and my purpose. I know why I'm here, I know who I am and I know that what I am doing is very real, not only to me, but to those I encounter. I am just one small drop in a vast ocean of possibility, yes, but I have the ability and the responsibility to create ripples that will turn into mighty waves.

When the Bough Breaks

When the Bough Breaks:

 

Life changes without our permission and most times without any notice;
It just transforms into something else in the blink of an eye.

They say everything happens for a reason, but honestly, I am still

pondering some of the moves and working to just trust that they are and have, happened for reasons that just have not become clear to me yet.
How does something that feels so completely right in a moment, turn into something that you feel you need to escape in the next? How do friendships that have been built on trust and honesty dissolve into nothingness because of that same trust and honesty?

Why do children die? Why do horrible things happen to good people? Why do heartless people get to keep existing and inflicting pain on the world?

Do you have the answers, because I sure don’t.
What I do know is that no matter what happens and how badly we want to stop moving, breathing, and managing; we cannot stop, we have to keep moving, even if it’s just one small step, one short breath or one simple heartbeat. The universe continues to flow around us, birds still sing even on the mornings that we wake up with broken hearts and puffy eyes from all the crying we did the night before. The boss still expects you to be on time for work, and dinner still needs to be cooked. Life goes on; whether you’re participating or not.

As we journey through Life, we lose lovers, friends, and pets and so much more; so much more like pride and arrogance, selfishness and greed; or at least that is the hope. Time is supposed to bring with it wisdom and humility. Maybe we lose things and people we are attached to so that we can learn that nothing is permanent here, nothing and no one is forever, but merely experiences that we navigate through to learn the things we need to learn?

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?  What if it just makes us colder? What if it makes us hateful for what someone else has that we don’t? What separates that person, from a person who just accepts each life altering moment and pushes forward?  My thought?  FAITH.

Faith is not strengthened in moments that we already know what’s coming, Faith is conceived in those moments when the staircase is dark and we can only see the step we are on. We move slowly up the stairs, not knowing what awaits us on the next one, but we step anyway.

When we stop expecting that Life will always play fair, we begin to get somewhere; we accept, through tears and heavy hearts that friends grow apart, lovers fall out of love, and people die. We don’t accept it because it makes a damn bit of sense, we accept it because we have come far enough to understand that now and then things just don’t make sense at first glance, and they do not always feel good, but we inhale, we exhale, and we have FAITH that the Universe has a plan and that in each challenge we face there is a gift to uncover to elevate us to the next level of our journey here.

STAY FAITHFUL- We are all in this together.

~Peace

 

 

Is This Thing On?

It's been awhile since I have posted here,not because I haven't been writing, but more because I am working on my 3rd book project and putting most of my time into that and not posting anything real new, so that when the book comes out, it will be fresh and untouched; an element of surprise, if you will.

But as I was sitting here drinking my coffee today, I decided that maybe I had some things to jot down and share with you all, my faithful readers.
First of all and most importantly- I want to say that GOD IS AMAZING!  My Aunt was just recently diagnosed with Breast cancer, and underwent surgery and came out like the fighting champ she is, doing well and on her way to a speedy recovery. The last picture I saw of her was from a hospital bed giving the thumbs up. I love her courage and I am so very thankful that she is doing alright.

I've been doing alot of reading about the Law of Attraction again; understanding moreso than ever that we create the experience that we have in life by the energy we give to our thoughts. I'm still learning, and I'm still guilty of getting stuck in a thought I don't want to think or in a mood that I would rather not expend any of my energy on, but I know that I have made and continue to make progress in directing my thoughts to positive moves and goals. I think we all go into a new year with our hearts filled with giant hope about what that year will bring us, and a sigh of relief as we leave the old shit behind;but how long does that feeling of hopefulness last you? For me,it usually made it through January, and then after that it was like, oh yea, here we are again, same shit different day, right?  When 2014 rolled around though, I was in a whole different mind set, a very strong one that this was going to be a great year for me, I could literally feel it! And as of right now, that feeling is as strong as ever, it's just a matter of drawing myself a map.

The message I wanted to share with all of this is simple;
BE HERE NOW; but keep building steps and keep taking them one at a time until you reach the destination mark on the map, where-ever that may be on your map.
Be MINDFUL of your thoughts; Be full of simple GRATITUDE. I say Thank You every time I am blessed with a hot bubble bath, because I know there are some who go without. Be JOYFUL as you lay down in your bed at night because there are those who sleep on the hard ground.
We draw to us what we put out; the simple Law of Attraction. What kind of life do YOU want?

Tanning Bed Illuminations- The Singular Theory

Singular thinking or something more?

 

One of my new favorite pages on facebook is a page by a young man named Trent Shelton; a very spiritually grounded man who inspires and encourages through his words and heartfelt expression. So to begin this, I would like to add his status from this morning on facebook because it seems truly fitting.

 

"

Trent Shelton

Man, I'm going to SWEDEN next week to speak and spread RehabTime. It trips me out because I vividly remember people around me telling me that YOU HAVE to plan this and plan that to make BIG THINGS happen, but something inside my heart was telling me that the only plan you have to make is the plan to FOLLOW God, and HE will take your life to places beyond your greatest dreams. My m...indset wasn't even thinking international this year, but God had something in store for RehabTime far greater. The best advice I can give anyone trying to live their purpose, catch their dream, etc....is to get out your own way. Don't put limitations on the blessings that God wants to give you, because you're so focused on your own agenda. Live your purpose daily and don't worry about the "how". God will take your life where HE needs you to be! #RehabTime"

 

 

 

There is a room, a place where I go to now and then to escape the harsh lighting of reality and bask in the glow of peace and tranquility. I can see it all so clearly that I feel like I can actually touch the soft fabric of the furniture I sit in while I am there. I’ve been visiting this room for years now, since the first night I dreamed of it and sat there with a silent friend. It was a moment in life when I was feeling particularly battered and beaten by the struggles I was facing in my marriage; I found myself sitting in this wide open spacious room, sunlight beaming in through large open windows, and the high vaulted ceilings met with a ledge all around the room, a decorative ledge, I remember thinking; but that’s when I saw Him sitting in the corner of the room, above me. I was sitting in a white plush chair with high arms, just the way I like, and I had a cup of coffee and a pen and tablet in my lap; feeling more complete than I have ever felt and being very aware of so much serenity within me. The view out of the patio doors was one of beach and vast blue water all around, it’s the house I have been telling friends and family I’m going to live in one day while I write my novels; the place where my dreams are alive and thriving.

 

 

 As of lately, I have been thinking about my future more, about relationships, my degree, my goals of writing books and my desire to do something positive in this world I live in, simply put; to make a difference! Just the other day I had a conversation with a friend about how I have come to see the ways in which I have lived a very “singular” lifestyle, sometimes the actions we live everyday and don’t think twice about, may be creating that which we “think” we don’t want. I even thought about the fact that I have always had one cat that is truly MY cat, and have built very one on one relationships with those cats, and even though there were other cats in the house at times, I never had the relationship with them that I did with the one cat I called mine; and like we do with our children and strangers, I have always watched other people and how they reacted to those pets in my life, and in all honesty, if I saw that the cat was uneasy or that the person was not open to them, it changed my opinion of that person.

I’m about to get a new kitten in my life, and I am more than happy about it, because I have missed the companionship, but it also led me to thinking about that singular theory; am I once again creating a one on one relationship with my pet and not really leaving much room for anyone or anything else? So, I think that I have decided to bring two kitties home, to create more of a well rounded relationship for myself, but also so that the kittens will not be forced into a solitary life inside an apartment. But all of this begs the question; when I see this room of my dreams, the only other “person” I see with me, is the beautiful Italian looking Angel that sits up on the ledge diagonally from my chair where I sit. His wings are glittery white and his skin is perfectly golden, and he doesn’t speak to me, but yet I feel volumes being said when I am there with him. An old friend once said to me, that he shared similar experiences and that he finally concluded that perhaps his dreams did not involve a partner per say, that it could be that he was meant to be on his own, pursuing his dreams and achieving his goals, without that other human being as his “one”. I wonder if that is the message that I am getting. I wonder if I am just so married and committed to my goals and my dreams of writing that I don’t see room for another as a permanent structure in my world. I ponder sometimes whether I have just gotten so comfortable in my own space and in the silence that I don’t want to sacrifice it so that I can open my life and my time to another in such a committed way; or is it just that I am simply a hot mess who is confused and doesn’t know what I want! Aughhh, the agony! I guess the realest answer that I have for myself, and obviously for those of you reading this, is that I look for certain qualities in a partner, and in fairness how can I want certain things from someone, but not offer the same in return? So, maybe it isn’t that I don’t or can’t see myself with someone else, it’s that I am on a track of preparing myself and being the right person when he does step onto my path; yes, I think I like that much better. J

Universal Law- The Law of Attraction:

I have been on a real roller coaster of emotions again lately; I lovingly refer to it as my caterpillar/butterfly phase because I find myself closing down, withdrawing from the external stuff and quietly retreating inside of my "cocoon" until I feel like my wings are formed and dry and ready to help me soar.

It's not just about evaluating myself anymore; although that remains priority number one, because I am the only person I can change, afterall; but also really taking note of the people I allow to share my life and my energy with. I am waking up more and more to people who, although they may mean well, are not really about anything more than just a bunch of empty talking, pretending to be for me, when the reality is they really are so self absorbed that I am not sure they can see light from the place where their head is stuck. :/  It's okay though, because as I become aware of who those people are, I can begin to re-establish my energy away from them and see them for who they just are. It's also about recognizing the energy suckers in our lives, the people who dwell in such low vibrations of their own that they feel the need to drag the rest of us down to their level; misery loves company.
 Maya Angelou says it best: "When people show you who they are; Believe them."  It's so easy to blind ourselves to truth when it stings our eyes, but how do we truly grow if we don't just open them and stare boldly in?

I'm finding this amazing peacefulness inside more and more in reference to these above mentioned people; I'm finding that I am giving myself permission more and more to just let go;  and let God. I'm finding it easier to just release "relationships" these days, that has never been an easy task for me before, so I can feel progress happening and that is truly a beautiful thing. I've been guilty of holding on when there was really no good reason to, and the lesson I have learned is that when a circumstance or person runs their course just listen to that little voice that reveals the truth to you and as NIKE said, "JUST DO IT", just let go.

We are in the process of an energy shift in the universe; a time when it's more important than ever how and where we direct our own energies, which is yet another reason to give yourself permission to break free from people, situations and experiences that are not conducive to well being and uplifting of your vibration. The Law of Attraction states that like thoughts attract like thoughts, what we focus energy on manifests itself and becomes reality in our lives;  in essence we create so much of what we experience just by the amount of energy we give it.

Let that marinate for a moment...

Where attention goes, so energy flows. Time to ask ourselves what we are paying our attention to and if we're getting the best deal. ;)

DAY 1 of 30

My 30 day Experiement with THE SECRET:

Have you read or heard about The Secret? If not, I highly suggest you just take some time and check it out...it's worth finding out about. I have been in a real shitty cycle in my life for too long it feels like, and I have decided to really, with concerted effort, put forth the work to put the Law of Attraction to the test in my life.

I want to state my intent here on this page; I want to commit to a life change and be more faithful than I have ever been with anything. I really want to rise to this experiment with the Universe and prove to myself beyond anymore reasonable doubt that I am as powerfully part of God as  He and She are a  part of Me. I KNOW it, I feel it, but yet I still falter and lose my step now and then, I want to be FAITHFULLY COMMITTED to changing my life for the better with the power of my thoughts and the focus of my energy.

 

It’s Spring time, it’s a season of newness and growth, so what better time to grow myself? If I were to paint a picture of the kind of happiness I aspire to, it would be a writing career that supports me beyond mere existence, but allows me to enjoy life and help others around me; and the time to just volunteer to the sexual assault center and the hospice program. Both were some of the most rewarding experiences of my life in so many ways, I grew so much during those moments with those people.

 

So starting today, right now in this very moment I am in, I am going to commit to positive energy and thoughts. Every day I am going to journal about my day, about the blessings I received in that day. I’m not going to get caught up in writing sadness or weariness, because I am stronger than that now, I know too much to go backwards anymore. So onward I go...