Singular thinking or something more?
One of my new favorite pages on facebook is a page by a young man named Trent Shelton; a very spiritually grounded man who inspires and encourages through his words and heartfelt expression. So to begin this, I would like to add his status from this morning on facebook because it seems truly fitting.
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Trent Shelton
Man, I'm going to SWEDEN next week to speak and spread RehabTime. It trips me out because I vividly remember people around me telling me that YOU HAVE to plan this and plan that to make BIG THINGS happen, but something inside my heart was telling me that the only plan you have to make is the plan to FOLLOW God, and HE will take your life to places beyond your greatest dreams. My m...indset wasn't even thinking international this year, but God had something in store for RehabTime far greater. The best advice I can give anyone trying to live their purpose, catch their dream, etc....is to get out your own way. Don't put limitations on the blessings that God wants to give you, because you're so focused on your own agenda. Live your purpose daily and don't worry about the "how". God will take your life where HE needs you to be! #RehabTime"
There is a room, a place where I go to now and then to escape the harsh lighting of reality and bask in the glow of peace and tranquility. I can see it all so clearly that I feel like I can actually touch the soft fabric of the furniture I sit in while I am there. I’ve been visiting this room for years now, since the first night I dreamed of it and sat there with a silent friend. It was a moment in life when I was feeling particularly battered and beaten by the struggles I was facing in my marriage; I found myself sitting in this wide open spacious room, sunlight beaming in through large open windows, and the high vaulted ceilings met with a ledge all around the room, a decorative ledge, I remember thinking; but that’s when I saw Him sitting in the corner of the room, above me. I was sitting in a white plush chair with high arms, just the way I like, and I had a cup of coffee and a pen and tablet in my lap; feeling more complete than I have ever felt and being very aware of so much serenity within me. The view out of the patio doors was one of beach and vast blue water all around, it’s the house I have been telling friends and family I’m going to live in one day while I write my novels; the place where my dreams are alive and thriving.
As of lately, I have been thinking about my future more, about relationships, my degree, my goals of writing books and my desire to do something positive in this world I live in, simply put; to make a difference! Just the other day I had a conversation with a friend about how I have come to see the ways in which I have lived a very “singular” lifestyle, sometimes the actions we live everyday and don’t think twice about, may be creating that which we “think” we don’t want. I even thought about the fact that I have always had one cat that is truly MY cat, and have built very one on one relationships with those cats, and even though there were other cats in the house at times, I never had the relationship with them that I did with the one cat I called mine; and like we do with our children and strangers, I have always watched other people and how they reacted to those pets in my life, and in all honesty, if I saw that the cat was uneasy or that the person was not open to them, it changed my opinion of that person.
I’m about to get a new kitten in my life, and I am more than
happy about it, because I have missed the companionship, but it also led me to
thinking about that singular
theory;
am I once again creating a one on one relationship with my pet and not really
leaving much room for anyone or anything else? So, I
think that I have decided to bring two kitties home, to create more
of a well rounded relationship for myself, but also so that the kittens will
not be forced into a solitary life inside an apartment. But all of this begs the
question; when I see this room of my dreams, the only other “person” I see with
me, is the beautiful Italian looking Angel that sits up on the ledge diagonally
from my chair where I sit. His wings are glittery white and his skin is
perfectly golden, and he doesn’t speak to me, but yet I feel volumes being said
when I am there with him. An old friend once said to me, that he shared similar
experiences and that he finally concluded that perhaps his dreams did not
involve a partner per say, that it could be that he was meant to be on his own,
pursuing his dreams and achieving his goals, without that other human being as
his “one”. I wonder if that is the message that I am getting. I wonder if I am
just so married and committed to my goals and my dreams of writing that I don’t
see room for another as a permanent structure in my world. I ponder sometimes
whether I have just gotten so comfortable in my own space and in the silence
that I don’t
want to sacrifice it so
that I can open my life and my time to another in such a committed way; or is
it just that I am simply a hot mess who is confused and doesn’t know what I
want! Aughhh, the agony! I guess the realest answer that I have for myself, and
obviously for those of you reading this, is that I look for certain qualities
in a partner, and in fairness how can I want certain things from someone, but
not offer the same in return? So, maybe it isn’t that I don’t or can’t see
myself with someone else, it’s that I am on a track of preparing myself and
being the right person when he does step onto my path; yes, I think I like that
much better.
J
