An Infinitely Blessed Life

Yes, that is what my life is; and today I married that notion, I committed to believing because my life, even through the struggles, is a living example of the universes way of listening and responding.
I got a tattoo that I feel like I was guided right to by my angels and the energies in my life. I have been wanting more tattoos for awhile now and have had a hard timing figuring out what I wanted and where I wanted it placed, so I have put a lot of thought into what I wanted to commit to for the rest of my life; I take that idea very seriously, so I meditated last night about it, and then I began perusing the internet for the images that I could use to create what I needed.
I printed pages out, cut out the pictures that spoke to me, and then began thinking about the story I wanted to tell with the ink work I am about to have painted symbolically on my skin. For me, the purpose of a tattoo is to tell a story with it, to symbolize something that moved me so powerfully in my life that I want it permanently painted on me.

I was humbled again last night by the pure love and gratitude of a child; I woke up today knowing exactly which design to go with and where I wanted it to be put as a constant reminder of how blessed my life is infinitely. :)

 And here is the final artwork;

 

Blessings Disguised as Trials and Tribulations

Who would have thought that one week ago when I became so ill with this respiratory crap, I would look upon it as a blessing? A what? Yes, I said that, A BLESSING.
Let me explain; I was experiencing a burn-out in ways that I wasn't even directly aware of right away, work burn out, life burn out, all of it; I was drowning in emotions that I felt like I had no control over and knew not where the hell they were even emanating from. I did a good job of smiling in public, making small talk with friends, and carrying on as usual to the everyday world; inside however was a whole other universe whirling; one of stress, fatigue, loneliness and overall questioning. I was questioning everything! Why am I here? Why is everything so damn hard, while others just seem to skate through life unscathed? I had family and friends going through horrible things to which I could do nothing but sit by and helplessly watch and silently pray, but then the light at the end of the tunnel showed itself to me and I understood more.

I was forced off of work, forced to be still, and forced to allow my body to physically just stop and rest; I truly had no choice because in the moments that I thought I was stronger than some damn sickness my body said "screw you, we got you on this one, sit down!" and sit down I did. 

I dove head first into my second weeks of classes and found myself flipping page after page consumed in such a good way by the information in front of me. I've never been big on history, (which I know is not cool, because a lot of it is really some good information), but I was understanding so much more about human behaviors and the processes by which we operate that I couldn't help but just keep going; and going...It brought to light so many factors in my own life in regards to my job, the people I work with and for, and to the world around me and my place in it. I'm not "normal" (what the hell is normal anyway, and who defines what is normal?) and I am SO okay with that. I don't deal with life on a surface level, I feel it inside. It's funny as I think about the people along the way who have had no real understanding and have labeled me as "too emotional", "too intense"; Oh yes, trust me, I am both emotional and intense, but who are you to say it's TOO much? Has the thought ever occurred to those people that perhaps they are "too" disconnected from themselves, from their spirit, from the universe as a whole? Probably not, or else they wouldn't be casting such shallow judgments on others.

I'm recovering well and am back to work today, and I am actually looking forward to stepping back into my role as an advocate for the women in our house, because I have a very renewed sense of myself and my purpose. I know why I'm here, I know who I am and I know that what I am doing is very real, not only to me, but to those I encounter. I am just one small drop in a vast ocean of possibility, yes, but I have the ability and the responsibility to create ripples that will turn into mighty waves.

In Time

In time we learn how to weather the struggles life throws our way.
In time we understand that This too shall pass;
But for awhile, it's all new, all consuming and so very painful.
As I stand witness to my daughter's first heartbreak with a boy, I can feel my own heart gripped like a vice. It's a flashback of my own past, and my own questionable choices with men and relationships over time. Is this my fault as well? Are her choices now a reflection of what she saw the woman in her life do as she grew up? Or is this just how life goes?

I can see so clearly how this can be fixed, I can drop my pearls of experience and share my own lessons learned, but no matter how well intended and full of life's Wisdom I am, I can't fix this for her, I can only stand by with open arms and a listening ear to catch her when either she finally has enough of the pain, or he pushes her out completely and leaves her alone.
It feels like a real double edged sword because if he does it, that leaves her even more vulnerable and hurt because she cannot understand WHY she wasn't good enough to be his girl; if she cuts the chord and walks away she begins to find her worth and understand her value, and even though it will still hurt, at least she did it for all the right reasons and can hold her head high. None of us like to feel rejected or unworthy of love. What we don't yet know at 21 is that rejections sometimes come as blessing in disguise. Time teaches us that temptations come often times to see if we will take what we have learned and use the information for our greater good or if we will ignore what we know to follow what's appealing in that moment.

In time we learn that not everyone will stay, and that's OK.
In time we accept that each person and experience that we encounter is part of our own unique experience here and will lend life lessons and opportunities to grow into ourselves; but, in the vastness between there and here, it's all we can do just to keep breathing and believe that we will be alright.

In time...just simply in time.