Monday, July 22, 2013

One of those days

Today is one of those days when my mind is swimming and the unanswered questions lurk like a predator in the dark.
The one thing I have to keep reminding myself of is this...My FAITH is bigger than any problem this world can give me, it's just a matter of reminding myself of that over and over again.


Today I pray for a friend who just lost her son; in the blink of an eye life is taken just as easily as it was given and it is the "not knowing when" our time is up that makes me want to reach higher in each moment and to consistently work to be better than I was, because I do not want to live with regrets and even more I never want to regret the things I should have said, or could have experienced if only I would have been brave. In anothers loss, I am awakened to the fragility by which we exist; the next moment is never promised to us.


Tomorrow is Emily's birthday, and people that I love will celebrate her life, and hurt over the empty place she left. The comfort that I have though is that she never leaves, she is always lingering near watching out and directing the steps of those she left behind, including me. She says she sits with me at night because I am comforting to her and little does she realize that just that knowledge alone inspires me to stay connected to the light inside of me, because if her angelic spirit finds comfort in me, it tells me that there is something good in me, something that she can feel and see; I feel like I owe it to her to rise above the chaos and disorder in and around me and be the woman I was created to be. I want to stay worthy of her love and light in my life, and show appreciation by doing the work I need to do. Thank you for your presence and your love in my life little girl-

It's a writing kind of day- writing, music and meditation...I am merely the vessel thorugh which you flow- I surrender.


©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

Sunday, July 14, 2013

The Gold Xperience: The Morning After

The Gold Xperience: The Morning After: July 14,2013   I woke up this morning and sat down to write with tears in my eyes; how can life be so fickle? I spent the day w...

The Morning After

July 14,2013



 
I woke up this morning and sat down to write with tears in my eyes; how can life be so fickle? I spent the day with my son and daughter in law, and a terrific friend and came home riding the high from my day; to hear a verdict of not guilty in the Zimmerman/Martin case. My heart sunk, the outrage took over and I felt myself feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Why? Because I’m white, and for a moment I believed that this was about color, but this morning, I realize it’s far deeper than that; it’s about the horrific flaws in this system of “justice” that we have in this country. It’s not because he was a young black man, because if that were the case, why did FLA let Casey Anthony go after the world knew damn well she killed her children; they were all white.  White parents, Mexican parents, native parents, NO ONE is excluded in this ugliness of the world, we all lose! And I know in my heart that across the U.S people of all colors were supporting this young man and his family, we didn’t see color, we saw the loss of an innocent life, period. I read things this morning about how this is the white folks getting back at the blacks for the O.J case. I scratch my head and wonder how feeding this line of thinking is going to get us anywhere good?  I responded to an online forum and was told that because I was white I didn’t understand and never would. Really!?

 

Let me clarify something; I am a MOTHER, that trumps your damn skin color bullshit, I’m tired of all this bitching about race, stand up and DO something about all of the injustices you feel instead of pointing fingers I know this world is biased in some ways, but we are not ever going to invoke change by sitting on our hands and letting it victimize us, stand up and be heard! DO something to bring about positive change with all of that emotional energy! Russell Simmons said that last night, “we must remain peaceful. No matter what, remain peaceful. If you have anger this evening, put that energy into challenging these horrible laws that allow overly-anxious neighborhood watchmen to carry guns and shoot innocent people.”




 

A man and a woman lost a son, it doesn’t take being the same race for anyone to understand that, it takes a heart, and human compassion; I had just spent the day with my son, don’t think I didn’t sit here last night imagining the horror of him being gone. We cannot let this become more unrest amongst us, we cannot let the ugliness of the world win, we have to rise up and come together and instead of people like Treyvon, MLK & so many others dying in vain, we need to bring about unity and change!!!
 

Stop fighting one another, stop feeding it, and stop being victimized by any of it, RISE UP AND UNITE in positive ways to change the world we live in! I don’t have the answers or the blueprint, but I look around and I listen, and I see and hear all of the ways we disrespect each other; men/women against one another, black women against white women, and the list goes on and on, its not stopping any of it, it is perpetuating it! Why don’t we recognize that?  We cannot stop hatred with more hatred, we cannot stop racism with more racial tension, we cannot teach non-violence when we are violent…Maybe this is a test to see how far we have come as a people; maybe it has less to do with the dysfunctional justice system and more to do with a Higher Power testing us to see if we will learn and this time come together in peace and for peace, or whether we will let this divide us even more than we already have. We can blame whoever we want day to day for being treated less than by others, but each and every moment of every day that we are given we wake up with the ability to freely choose how we feel and WHO WE WILL BE that day. You can choose to be angry because the world is unfair to you, you can blame it on your skin color, you can blame it on your weight, but ultimately, we all have a choice to either stand for something good, or fall for something less. I choose to love and to stand for my fellow people, no matter their color, creed, etc…I CHOOSE to think good thoughts even in the midst of pain and sorrow, because I know in my heart that good always prevails over evil, in some way or another I know that it does.

 

 
George Zimmerman is not a free man today; he was dismissed of charges yes, but for the rest of his life he will look over his shoulder and not feel safe, he will fear for his family’s safety, he will never gain back the life that he knew. He didn’t really win; it’s more a matter of where we imprisoned him because he is behind bars no matter how you want to see it.

 
My heart hurts this morning, we are a society and a government full of ills, and we just keep band aiding the issues instead of actually getting in there and building something better, but I’m going to send one more prayer up for all of us right now, I’m going to pray for guidance and for love and patience and compassion because we all need it, and then I’m going to dust myself off and go out into the world be the positive change I want to see; one person, one step at a time, because it’s better than doing nothing but crying in outrage w/no movement forward.

 
R.I P Treyvon, you are truly in such a better place than this mess we are left with here…

Everyone needs to bow their heads and pray to whatever God you pray to, and send something positive out for this family, for this world, for yourself and for me; turn this into positive energy and watch change begin.

 

~Peace, Love & Light

 

 

 

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Book 2!!!

And yet another dream comes to beautiful fruition!!! Here it is, a collaboration with one of my favorite writers, my Aunt Becky Corinne Strukamp!! We have talked about this moment for years, today we see it bloom! It is a mixture of y poetry/short story, and a great contribution from my bestie R.Jones, and beautiful heartfelt poetry by Becky. GOD IS SO GOOD and I AM TRULY BLESSED!

https://www.createspace.com/4355919?ref=1147694&utm_id=6026

Friday, July 5, 2013

The Gold Xperience: Speaking of Freedom part 2

The Gold Xperience: Speaking of Freedom part 2: PART 2 I get really disappointed at times that my life is not full of “wealth” and “stuff”, and I won’t sit here and say that I don...

Speaking of Freedom part 2

PART 2


I get really disappointed at times that my life is not full of “wealth” and “stuff”, and I won’t sit here and say that I don’t desire to be comfortable with money in my life because I think we all want that to some degree or another, but I will say that I have been lost.

In a moment of silence with my Self today, I realized how incredibly blind I have been to so much in my life without even realizing it.

I had to rehash old journals and poems to get the awakening; but it hit like a good hard slap on the ass and had me sitting here laughing and crying my way through the emotions.

I AM rich, rich as hell actually, ya wanna know why? Because all of the things that hurt me so much in the past, the things that kept me away from my Self are no longer issues at all! I don’t cower in public anymore and avoid smiling at a stranger for fear of being emotionally attacked by an insecure ego; I don’t hesitate to speak to the man next to me in line somewhere.

I don’t fake who I am for anyone anymore. I live a life true to who I am inside, at the core of my being. I am imperfect and flawed, yes, but I continue to reach and grow.

I don’t have the money that I would like to have, granted, but I have so much love and friendship in my life that I have faith that outer success is only a matter of timing, and we all know it doesn’t happen in our time; the higher energies of the universe map all that for us.

I love my Self more and more unconditionally each day that I am gifted with a new morning, although I still fall short I am closer all the time.

I stopped being a passenger in life and took the drivers seat and watched two of my own personal dreams come to fruition, I graduated from college a year ago with my BA, and I saw my first collection of writing go into print and be sold. On another level, I was witness to one of the happiest days of my son’s life, his wedding day, and my daughters’ graduation as an EMT. Pride wells up in me for all of us; we made one hell of a team, and individually we are all strong in our ways. Being a mother has made me rich all by itself because nothing can bring out the warrior in a woman’s spirit like being a mother. LOL.

It was in fighting for them that I learned how to fight for my Self. They made me want to be the best person I could be, so I set high standards for my Self.

 I AM wealthy. I LIVE AUTHENTICALLY; there is nothing richer than that.

  ©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

Speaking of Freedom -"I lack the instinct of conformity"


There will be darkness before there is light-

A feeling of insurmountable wrong

Before it begins to be right.
 

 

Sometimes when we sit quietly and ponder things we end up in places that we never even thought about going, or realized we needed to; that happened to me today. I was reading old journals, finding poems and old writings from a long time ago, reliving memories and people, feeling old emotions, all of that, and then a light bulb flashed and I saw something…

There was a time in my life that I was so confined emotionally, spiritually, even physically that I lost myself. I went through the motions, I played my parts in the roles I was given,  I conformed to what people around me were comfortable with, I played the “good girl” role every day of my life to keep everyone around me peaceful, but always flowing below the surface was a current that kept me feeling restless and discontent. I had allowed people to take away my spirit, I had allowed people to force me not to smile or to talk with others, I allowed the inner me, the real me, to get pushed back into a corner and be replaced with the me that my environment was comfortable with.

I remember not being able to tell a stranger that his gas tank was open without being accused of flirting; or smiling at someone as we pass them on a street or in a store and being accused of wanting that stranger more than I wanted him. I remember being so unhappy.

I looked at my children everyday and kept pushing for the best, but something was happening; I was growing, I was changing inside and I couldn’t explain it. Every time I was “boxed in” I grew more resentful, every time I was stripped of my own mind and heart, I grew angrier; but our children kept me holding on, learning strength and faith all the way. I fought and fought to keep that marriage alive and healthy, in my heart I know that I did everything I could do; today I accept that our season was just over then, our time together has expired and it was time for a different level of life.
I say all of that to say this-


©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 


(contined in pt. 2)

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Sunshine- Song by Murph



https://t.co/srolmNNncV


 Check out the new track by my good friend T Murph! An inspiration to myself and a damn talented dude!

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Journey Above Poverty!