: a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, or killed by someone else
: a person who is cheated or fooled by someone else
: someone or something that is harmed by an unpleasant event (such as an illness or accident)
The second definition is the one I am going to focus on as I write this; a person cheated or fooled by someone else....hmmmm...So, let me ask you, if the same person/people "fool or cheat" you more than once, are you still a victim, or are you just in denial and unwilling to change? I see real victims everyday, I spend my life advocating for victims, have for as long as I can remember in one capacity or another, and I don't know that I will ever stop being frustrated by people who have the clear knowledge of what is going on, but are unmoving and unwilling to change anything. These same people will blow up and complain and become bitter people, but still, are not receptive to change, and will continue to wallow in their own self made misery.
I encounter women who stay with abusers because they are afraid that they will fail financially, women who cannot be alone so being with someone who is the source of so much upheaval and chaos is better than having to face life as a single person, and having to start over. How many times have you heard someone say, "but I don't want to have to start over and get to know someone all over again." Really? So, being constantly disrespected and let down and hurt is sooo much better than having to be brave and step out on FAITH and take a chance that there just may be more out there than what is right in front of you? I truly feel bad for people who are stuck in that mentality. No one wants to get hurt, or be let down, or face the disappointment in the dating world that maybe, yet again, this one isn't the one either, no one enjoys that, I can promise you! But what about the realization that those very same people who don't want to take the risks, are fooling themselves by not being aware of the fact that each day they stay stuck in unhealthy patterns and relationships, they let themselves down, they betray their own heart; is that more acceptable? No, it isn't.
The ugly truth about all of this, is that real victims are the children of people who are caught in this web of destruction and turmoil, and there isn't anything they can do about it. These kids are the true VICTIMS in life, because they are being drug along through the chaos and the violence and the unstable environments, against their will, and with no power to change it. Absorb that for a moment...
I was in a 17 year relationship/marriage which became toxic and dysfunctional, and I was unhappy and drowning emotionally. I did all I could for years to put on a good show for the outside world until I looked at my children and saw the hurt and the fear that it was causing them, and something in me clicked and slapped me in the face very hard. I didn't want to raise a girl who believed it was okay to lose yourself in a man and sacrifice yourself to the point of not even having your own identity, and I didn't want to raise a boy who felt that bullying and yelling and controling was the correct way to be a man. I knew that the only person who was going to be able to change all of that was me. I was scared beyond anything words could convey; I was panicked at the thought of leaving the financial security that we had created as a couple; but betraying my children, who did not ask to be in this world,and were gifted to me, was not a concept that I would even entertain, no matter what it took for me to protect them. I have wonderful family, and steadfast friends, but every single one of them knows that if it came down to them or my children, they have never and would never, have a chance. Our children do not ask to come here, we make the choice to bring them here and with that, we take on a responsability to love and protect them from harm in the world. What happens to those kids when the people/person who they count on for protection puts their well being aside and leaves them vulnerable and exposed? Statistically we know that many of them grow up addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, they take on the role of abusers or victims in their adult lives with friends and family and eventually intimate relationships; they carry on the chaos and the turmoil and the cycle continues.
I am an advocate for children above and beyond anyone, because I despise injustice, and I have no respect for those who have children and don't protect them or put them first. Being a single parent is not for the weak, as any single parent will attest to; but at the end of the day it doesn't matter that it's hard and sometimes gut wrenching, what matters is whether or not you honor that title of Mom or Dad and do what's right by your children.
