Let Go

We do things in life that aren’t always explainable; we make decisions that are not always in our best interest, and are sometimes just down right self abusive; but why?

 

A young lady asked me last night “why do I want to call him, why do I keep thinking about the good times and the times that he made me feel happy and made me laugh, instead of staying focused on the abuse he put me through?”  I sat there looking at her as if she had just asked me a million dollar question.

How many times have I asked myself that question with regards to intimate relationships, friendships, or even family relationships?  The popular, ignorant answer given by many is; that we are weak minded. Yes, I said that. I have been told by people over time that the only reason someone stays or goes back to an abusive partner/lifestyle, is because they are weak.  Funny how that statement has come out of the mouths of people who claim to be so spiritual and so all knowing, when obviously they are just as misguided as everyone else. Go figure!

 The real answer is that we go back to people who have hurt us, betrayed us and let us down for as many reasons as there are people; albeit financial need/stability, children, no where else to go maybe, and of course LOVE. Emotionally, we allow ourselves to be abused by friends, family, partners from a sense of unworthiness to have any better, or from a dysfunctional psychological state that just craves what is familiar as opposed to having to forge new ground and take new risks. The old way may hurt and be less than we want or even need, but we are familiar with it and within that, we find some sort of “safety”.  We get caught by the “honeymoon phases” and we feel hopeful that the last time will be the last time that they say such hurtful things to us, or hit us, etc…

Letting go is hard, rebuilding from scratch on friendships and intimate relationships is scary! We have to learn someone new, we have to plant new seeds and wait to see if they will sprout, and it can all be quite intimidating! 

Sometimes, we actually do separate from the abusive people and situations, only to find ourselves too afraid to peek out of the self contained box we have built for ourselves for fear of being hurt all over again by someone else.

I’ve had to get my feelings hurt over time, my heart trampled upon, and my trust destroyed; I’ve cried a million tears, raged and wallowed in the why me’s, but all of that brought me to this moment, today.

 

I am in no way on a perfect path in this life, but I have come to love myself enough to know how to walk away from anyone and everything that does not serve a worthy purpose in my life. That is really what it all comes down to; learning how to love and respect yourself enough to refuse anything less from others.

Today, it is my prayer that we ALL learn how to love and respect ourselves enough that we will not allow ourselves to be the victim of anyone else’s hatred, insecurity and selfishness again.

 

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A place of voids-

Who would you be if you didn't care about what other people thought or how they saw you?

Do you know who you are at your core?

WHAT makes you truly happy? What makes your soul sing?

A lot to ponder upon, I suppose, but valid questions that deserve answers nonetheless, right?

As I push myself to finish this book-writing stuff, or perhaps I should say continue, because I don't feel like I will ever be "finished" writing, I'm finding myself drawing in more and more, seeking refuge from all around me. Another moment of metamorphosis, another death and another rebirth. A re-creation of Self once more.

I think I've been lost, feeling too much or feeling nothing at all, riding the train of extremes so much of the time; I found myself trapped in nothingness today so I stopped everything and disconnected from everything external this morning and did yoga. I felt the anger in my body, I felt all the ways my spirit feels blocked and stifled. Everything hurt as I stretched and pushed out of my comfort zones. So much like my life lately- staying safely nestled in my own secure walls.
I regained something soft inside, but I am still floating in a void place. A place void of emotion one way or another with a lot of questions and a lack of answers. The frustration comes from knowing that the answers are there at my disposal if I can just tune in to the channels and listen, so why am I struggling so? How can we be so wise, yet ..........I commit. I retreat. I peek through the door but stay on this side of it. I pray to all of the energies of my angels and guides to just keep pushing me, please don't give up on me.

 "I will write until I cannot form the words anymore, and once I pass from this place, I will whisper them to you so that they may still be read."  That came from my father this morning...." I know it was him because he told me that when I write something and don't know where it just came from, it's him helping me, guiding me, letting me know simply that he is here with me, even though I don't see him.
Just keep talking to me, and together the words will be written, Dad.