Let Go

We do things in life that aren’t always explainable; we make decisions that are not always in our best interest, and are sometimes just down right self abusive; but why?

 

A young lady asked me last night “why do I want to call him, why do I keep thinking about the good times and the times that he made me feel happy and made me laugh, instead of staying focused on the abuse he put me through?”  I sat there looking at her as if she had just asked me a million dollar question.

How many times have I asked myself that question with regards to intimate relationships, friendships, or even family relationships?  The popular, ignorant answer given by many is; that we are weak minded. Yes, I said that. I have been told by people over time that the only reason someone stays or goes back to an abusive partner/lifestyle, is because they are weak.  Funny how that statement has come out of the mouths of people who claim to be so spiritual and so all knowing, when obviously they are just as misguided as everyone else. Go figure!

 The real answer is that we go back to people who have hurt us, betrayed us and let us down for as many reasons as there are people; albeit financial need/stability, children, no where else to go maybe, and of course LOVE. Emotionally, we allow ourselves to be abused by friends, family, partners from a sense of unworthiness to have any better, or from a dysfunctional psychological state that just craves what is familiar as opposed to having to forge new ground and take new risks. The old way may hurt and be less than we want or even need, but we are familiar with it and within that, we find some sort of “safety”.  We get caught by the “honeymoon phases” and we feel hopeful that the last time will be the last time that they say such hurtful things to us, or hit us, etc…

Letting go is hard, rebuilding from scratch on friendships and intimate relationships is scary! We have to learn someone new, we have to plant new seeds and wait to see if they will sprout, and it can all be quite intimidating! 

Sometimes, we actually do separate from the abusive people and situations, only to find ourselves too afraid to peek out of the self contained box we have built for ourselves for fear of being hurt all over again by someone else.

I’ve had to get my feelings hurt over time, my heart trampled upon, and my trust destroyed; I’ve cried a million tears, raged and wallowed in the why me’s, but all of that brought me to this moment, today.

 

I am in no way on a perfect path in this life, but I have come to love myself enough to know how to walk away from anyone and everything that does not serve a worthy purpose in my life. That is really what it all comes down to; learning how to love and respect yourself enough to refuse anything less from others.

Today, it is my prayer that we ALL learn how to love and respect ourselves enough that we will not allow ourselves to be the victim of anyone else’s hatred, insecurity and selfishness again.

 

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cry if You Need To:

 

Drake said it; “Cry if you need to but I can’t stay to watch you, it’s the wrong thing to do; touch if you need to but I can’t stay to hold you, it’s the wrong thing to do; talk if you need to, but I can’t stay to listen it’s the wrong thing to do;cuz you’ll say you love me and I’ll end up lying an’ say I love you too, ‘cuz I need someone different….”

 

It’s in a moment when you look at someone, either someone you’re trying to be with and build something with, or someone that you have been with for awhile already, and you realize that you might have just taken a wrong turn. Here I suppose, is where I get a little cloudy in my thinking because it’s hard to label something as “wrong” and still believe that everything happens for a reason in life; so is it wrong, or is it just that light has been shed and vision becomes clear and we see that something has either run its course or really doesn’t have a course to be run at all? The things that make us go hmmmm.

 

Men talk endlessly about how women claim to want honesty, open communication, REALNESS, but that we can’t handle it when we get it; and for some perhaps that’s a true enough statement, but what about the rest of us? What about those women that can and do want and willingly participate in open communication, honest talk and realness, but we meet resistance from the very same men who tell us that WE cannot handle real, WE cannot handle honest talk; where indeed do we go from there? Is this why being “single” has become such an epidemic today? People are more focused on careers and money than on love and togetherness; yes, the ugly truth is that chasing money and staying single just fits right in with our fast and easy kinda living these days, doesn’t it?  It’s so much simpler to make a phone call when a “need” arises and for a moment we find release in some form or another, be it drugs, alcohol, food or sex, we find our fix and then we go on about our business. Easy, right?  The honest answer here is that for some, maybe even many, this is precisely much more simplified and clean cut than trying to love and be in relationships, because those can get messy and unorganized, people are fickle and inconsistent, which usually always leads to someone getting their feelings hurt or being let down.

 

We tell each other to just be honest baby, don’t lie to me just to spare my feelings, but in that one moment when you look at the person sitting next to you and realize that you don’t want them there, being honest and real takes on a whole new dynamic; because no matter how much we want to believe in the power of truth, it won’t matter because someone is about to get let down and hurt regardless and we will not be able to see the beauty in being real and honest, until the smoke clears and we come back to ourselves. Is it truly any wonder that people avoid relationships to just have that friend with benefits who will come over and leave with no questions, no hassles, no quarrels, just a shared moment of gratification and then the flow of life picks up right where you left it; I think not. I’m tired of playing the game, tired of getting to the red zone and settling for 3 when what I really want is the touchdown, I want the whole 7, not 4 less. And I am even more worn on hearing men rant about how women can’t handle this, and won’t handle that…today I’m just tired of it all, because the reality is that men are just as big of bitches, just as whiny, just as needy and just as fucking immature as those they point out, and are incapable of dealing with the truth even when it’s wrapped up and handed to them gently. The dating game is brutal shit today. When you come to me and tell me that you want real, and you want honest, how can you be angry with me when I give you precisely what you asked me to deliver? Would you rather I stay in your life and keep you in mine because it’s easier than being honest and risk hurting your feelings for a minute, or would you rather I tell you where we stand and let go so that you can move on and neither of wastes more of our precious time? At some point people, you have to grasp the concept that you cannot realistically have your cake AND eat it too; at least not in the real world.

 ~Peace

©2013.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved.